Somewhere In Time
Somewhere in time I felt and experienced life and my soul remembered.
Seeing what the soul remembers can change everything in ones life.
It all has to do with trusting the memory and knowing the path ahead is the right one.
Sometimes we see what doesn’t make sense but to the soul, it makes perfect sense.
How does the soul explain to the heart that what lies ahead is the right path?
How does the heart than explain to the mind that walking the path is safe?
How does the mind than converse with the emotions that are uneasy with the path?
My soul always seems to know when I don’t know.
She takes me by the hand and guides me through life so that I can remember.
Somewhere in Time I lived and learned and loved.
Perhaps many times but there are those few memories that seem to stay with the soul.
These memories can stay with someone through time so that they can be remembered.
This life time I choose to remember what my soul reveils to me.
Isn’t this the lesson?
When we understand the memory than we can walk our path knowing it is apart of the path we walk today.
And one day a long time from now how we have lived this life and have walked our path will be remembered in our soul.
Somewhere in Time this life will be remembered.
The Vision Quest
One day years ago my soul spoke to me……….she was hungry. It was not a hunger that anything from this world could satisfy, it was a hunger that filled me and made me empty inside. When your soul speaks to you, she whispers in your ear constantly until you feed her. As the days passed I couldn’t rest and my nights were sleepless. I would wake up and look at the stars and moon wondering what was wrong with me.
I was told that I was shedding the old me like a snake sheds its skin and preparing for the new me. For my completion into the new me, I was told I would need to do a vision quest. It was believed Spirit wanted to talk to me and I needed to present myself to the Grandfathers. This is not an easy task as I found out. I made Spirit pouches and each one had a prayer in it. The Spirit pouches were filled with tobacco and there were over 200 tied together to create a continual prayer and circle. I than had to go into the mountains and find my sacred space where I would present myself to Spirit.
To prepare for the presentation you fast and meditate, thinking of questions. My soul was so hungry that I had hundreds and hundreds of questions. I thought how could Spirit (God) answer all my questions?
The morning came when I was led to my sacred space following a Medicine man who was to watch over me through out my vision quest.I watched the Medicine man walk away and I looked around seeing only trees, hearing birds in the distance feeling naked and alone.
My vision quest was for 3 days and 3 nights with only water and no food. As I sat in my circle, I realized that my soul had lost her voice. She didn’t know where to begin or how to present herself to Spirit. I realized how insignificant I really was….perhaps this was because nature is one of his greatest masterpieces and she surrounded me showing no mercy.
The days were hot and the nights were cold and there I sat in my sacred space trying to talk to Spirit. How could my soul lose her voice? Was it that I didn’t feel worthy to be in his presence?
I slept restlessly and found that the nights were full of little surprises. Little pebbles were being thrown my way with little foot steps running away from me. At moments I thought I heard laughter and whispering from all around me. The darkness engulfed me and offered no refuge. Was that a growl? Was that a branch snapping in the distance?
My mind told me to get up and run but my soul said to stay. By the third day I was running a fever and I lay down and finally my soul found her voice and said, “You know already what I ask, tell me what I need to know”.
The light changed and as I looked in front of me a woman in white walked up to me. She smiled and told me she was my spirit guide. Her hair was in long black braids and she wore feathers in her hair. She said that my questions had been answered that I only had to look in my heart to find them. She said that I had completed my vision quest and Spirit was pleased. She gave me my new Medicine name Morning Bear and she than put her hand on my forehead and I awoke from my vision.
I stood up realizing I could go now and noticed that there was a quiet calm around me. It was as if nature herself recognized the new me. The Medicine man knew my vision quest was over and was waiting for me. He smiled and that was all that was communicated between us. I looked back at my sacred space one more time and realized that the old me was still in the circle. It was good to let her go.
I have taken this gift with me through out my dancing. I share this story with all you so that through out your journey in belly dance you will know it is only natural to grow and change. Create a sacred space and remember to ask Spirit for guidance. And sometimes it’s OK to let go.
Are Belly Dancers a Pain in the Butt?
by Leyla Najma · 4 Comments
I thought this title might get your attention, “Are belly dancers a pain in the butt?” For myself there’s a part of me that would have to answer truthfully yes, I am a pain in the butt. In fact I know that Daniel would quickly answer yes but under the same breath he would say, “But I love you none the less.” Thank God for unconditional love that which is as essential to us humans as the air we breathe.
Do we need to be this unconditional with each other even though we are not necessarily within each dancer’s family circle? This particular question was answered today in a very unique way. What was so interesting was that I didn’t expect an answer because I was within the confines of my studio when I thought about it. The answer though was even more surprising because it came from a vivacious, wise and extraordinary woman that I interviewed this morning for BDV, Penny Stewart, the Pink Gypsy. Penny was a true gift and testament that we attract to us what we need to learn, hear or experience from life. In my case Penny let me know life was an adventure that I created so I might as well sit back and enjoy the ride!
Penny made a really good point; she said that if we choose to only look at the negative in opinions or actions then that is all we will see. We choose to see the world we live in based on what validates our focus. We have more control then we give ourselves credit for but we take away our control by giving it to someone else. Basically Penny says she lives life simply, not emotionally confused or too much in her head. She exists in the moment and the day to day joys of life. How many of us live weeks ahead of ourselves because of deadlines or schedules? What’s worse is it can become a habitual way of living that we aren’t even aware of because we indoctrinate ourselves into believing it’s the way life has always been. We structure ourselves from within, not the other way around.
I asked Penny what she does when someone speaks negatively to her or about her and her answer made me laugh. She tells people, “Thank you for sharing!” and she then continues doing what she wants to do anyways. Good medicine because she focuses on her path doing what she knows is right for her. I had brought up people in this business being negative and she said that the negative is only just that because we don’t want to see the positive in what is said. Penny then said that all we have to do is keep whatever positive we can find and throw the rest away, just let it go. It’s as hard or easy as we choose to make it. And the statement that made me think back to my Native American days was one that I had heard over and over again; we attract to us the very event, opinion or people that we are complaining about. So basically my question, “Are belly dancer’s a pain in the butt?” is only relative to how we really feel about ourselves.
Just a few days ago I talked with my close friend Rozana al Jinan about the last show we produced. We did a two part celebration of her birthday and the 3rd year anniversary of our show.
After the show if you would have asked me this very question about belly dancers I would have said emphatically, “YES!” This is because it was raining…….no I’ll say a hurricane torrential downpour of one problem after another. Did I attract and call forth these problems? I wanted to shout out no but in the end Penny was right, I assumed there would be problems therefore there were problems. And I did this with a slide of hand ease because I added to the existing “problems” dancer attitudes and ego trips. It downpoured for what seemed to be the entire production of the show. Rozana and I both felt like we were on a raft clinging on by our fingernails! Thank God we had belly dancers nails!
Why do we at times only allow ourselves to see the negative? It all comes back to homebase, how we view ourselves and the mirror that reflects back to us our inadequacies. In fact my blog has gotten me in hot water with a few dancers because they viewed my comments as a negative dig. Maybe I was venting which is my right in my own blog but I wonder if it felt like a dig because there was either some truth to what I said or if they only saw a negative comment and it didn’t occur to them to just write me off? Look I thought I had elephant skin but my skin is thinner then I thought because of last years jabs at me from the Buhz comments. My belly dance skin is no thicker then anybody else’s when it comes to what I perceive as an insult. So what an insult is to one person maybe nothing more then a nuisance to someone else. Sometimes words have teeth and they bite so the severity of the bite depends on a person deciding if the words are a Chihuahua or a Doberman Pitcher coming at them. And then there are those moments when you think of the movie Alien vs. Predator! Either one coming at you would literally scare the “you know what” out you or me. Our negative meters can go to extremes or stay neutral; it just depends on perception and the view from the other side of the mirror. As Penny so eloquently said, “We choose to give our control and power away forgetting we decided a long time ago in a higher state of consciousness what comes our way.”
So how do we speak our truth without affecting or hurting someone else’s feelings? In this business unless it is determined the intent is undermining or pure malevolence in the first place, we can then figure out if we need to leave our swords and daggers at home. But what if what others have to say is true? As adults we aren’t necessarily dealing with the school bully but we can be dealing with someone who has forgotten they are no longer in high school. Unbecoming conduct can go both ways meaning the originator that causes the issue and the person dealing with the end result. It just depends on which end of the spectrum you are on. Again Penny emphasized our life is what we choose it to be and our perception is based on what we narrowly focus on or panoramically enjoy. It’s easier to follow our path when the blinders are off focusing only on what makes us happy. If you are already there, in the moment, the person of your dreams, living the life you have always wanted then why worry about what someone else thinks? Our individual lives have always been about what we think of ourselves. If we all manifest our thoughts to the world let’s make sure we think kindly of ourselves so that thick skin is a thing of the past. After all life is a rollercoaster that we participate in creating one day at a time. So to answer the question, “Are belly dancers a pain in the butt?” No, only their perceptions are. As a William Shakespeare quote states so well,
“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
Check out Penny’s website www.pinkgypsy.com
Climbing the Queens Pyramid and Missing Time
When I traveled to Egypt in 1991 it was definitely a calling from the Heavens. It never occurred to me that I was really going for dance; I was going because the temples, alters, and sacred burial grounds were my calling. My first walk off the plane and down multiple steps was not exactly my finest moment. The obvious dancer in me missed the first step and I went tumbling down a flight of stairs and landed on my suitcases. A dance friend that went with me started to yell my name and burst out laughing. Out of nowhere a myriad of people appeared to help me untangle my arms from my legs. I made an entrance I never planned on making and from that moment on the excitement and unexpected twists and turns never stopped.
I’ll tell you all a little secret that I have kept for a long time…..maybe I’m doing this out of guilt but I figure at this point I might as well let the cat out of the bag. I met wonderful people in Cairo and one friend in particular was a very adventurous fellow. We all called him Jimbo and true to form he was a great traveling companion. One night we were at a pub called Pub 13 in Maadi, a suburb on the outskirts of Cairo when he got this bright idea for us to go and climb one of the Queens pyramids. It was around 2:00am in the morning and by this point we had drunk quite a few beers, a brand called Stella. In my right state of mind I would have said no, but I was in a happy go lucky mood and just about every suggestion sounded good to me at that point. So with an Indiana Jones state of mind we took off in a cab with the full moon as our guide.
When we approached the pyramids the cab driver drove us to an area by a group of houses. He didn’t want to go any further and we ended up walking a ways before the Queens pyramids were within view. As we approached our destination I was past being light headed and really enjoying the sounds from the distant desert. The wind seemed different; you could almost feel a presence in her. I could hear light whispers from behind me but when I would turn around to see if anyone was there, all I would see was sand and stone. Jimbo heard the same whispers and we stopped for a moment because we both thought there were people in front of us. As we waited in the shadows, nothing came towards us. We were beginning to get spooked because it was evident we were not alone in the dark.
One look up the pyramid and it was evident that it was going to be one heck of a climb. So with a high five we started to climb looking for a path way up the giant stones. I could feel a presence all around me with each step and occasionally I felt as if someone was touching me as I was trying to keep up with Jimbo. We stopped a few times to catch our breath and I could tell that the higher we climbed the noisier it got with the whispers. I knew Jimbo was nervous and feeling uncomfortable and the thought crossed my mind that maybe we shouldn’t be doing this but at that point it was too late to stop. We had passed the point of no return and we knew we had to get to the top. The voices were egging us on and when the top stones could be seen an adrenalin rush came over me like nothing I had ever felt before. We both looked at each other and then everything went blank.
I looked at Jimbo again and noticed that the sun was coming up and he looked at me with a blank stare. I had to say his name a few times for him to respond to me. I was in the middle of a mosquito swarm and suggested that we start to climb down. Without a word he turned and we started to make our way down the pyramid in record speed. As we reached the road and started to walk toward the houses in the distance we could hear the Morning Prayer echoing through out the city. In moments like that it is as if time stands still.
We hailed a cab and went to one of the hotels to eat breakfast. Jimbo still wouldn’t talk to me and I finally broke the silence with a question. I asked, “What time did we leave the pub?” He said, “We left around 2:00am.” I then asked how long it took us to get to the pyramids. He said, “Thirty minutes max with no traffic on the roads. And I know what you’re next question is going to be. How long did it take us to climb the pyramid, right?” He knew I was asking because we had missing time that neither of us could account for. The Queens pyramids are smaller in stature so I figured it took maybe and hour or so to reach the top but once we reached the top, I don’t remember anything.
We looked at each other and realized that whoever was with us that night might have played a roll in our missing time. We couldn’t see anyone but we knew they were there. It was like we stepped into the twilight zone where the known becomes the unknown.
Climbing the pyramids is not permitted and if we would have gotten caught that night well my story would have had different ending. To this day I don’t know what happened in those few hours of missing time but knowing Isis and Hathor as I do, I feel they took me into their arms, embraced me and said, “Welcome!” I just hope it wasn’t Sekhmet that embraced Jimbo because we all know how cats love to play!
The Eternal Circle of Life
by Leyla Najma · 3 Comments
I remember when I was learning about living in a teepee that there was an etiquette to sitting in the circle. I had to know my place within the circle which meant understanding the many stages of life. Coming into the teepee is comparative to being in the womb of life so as families entered through the oval door they gathered according to age, place of status and position. It’s something so simple and yet so meaningful because every night when the family and friends gather together they remind each other of how life evolves. The youngest are seated by the opening that is to the left of the circle and as the circle continues around the head of the family sits in the middle. As the circle continues around to the right the elderly according to their age complete the circle sitting towards the entrance because they are in the last stages of living life. Thus the eternal circle starts all over again from birth to death and death to birth. There is nothing sad about any of the positions within the circle, only an understanding of life and the acceptance of life’s ebb and flow.
Do any of us really think about our lives like the eternal circle of the teepee? In a spiritual sense we live within the circle but in the modern world we forget the circle even exists. Goals and ambitious endeavors can blind us to the different stages of life and as entertainers it is imperative for us to remember our place within the stages of the circle. If you look at this teaching it really is no different then the Egyptians view of death and the afterlife. They prepared in life for the afterlife and didn’t uphold one above the other. The Native Americans really aren’t any different especially if you look at the shape of the teepee as she reaches to the heavens just like the pyramids. The entrance to the teepee always faces east representing the morning sunrise and the birth of a new day. As family members step out of the teepee each day they are reborn which means a lifetime of symbolism of birth, life and death. As the sun sets they come back into the protection of womb and family. The children are raised with this symbolism through out their lives and it is easy to see why they have a connection to infinitesimal aspects of the eternal circle of life.
The poles of the teepee have a teaching and each one represents a warrior. There are 17 poles placed in symbolic positions, the first three being the tripod poles. They start the circle and represent the head woman and man of the household and the next inline who helps to gather food for the family. There are 8 poles (two warriors for each) that represent the East, West, North and South directions. The next set are in a group of 4 that are the keepers and protectors of the 4 directions. The last two remaining poles represent the dual appearance of the physical realm. They come together at the top and form the wings that symbolically carries all those within the teepee to freedom. So each day is about connecting to the universe and understanding how mother earth relates to father sky and the twilight of both coming together.
Within our lives as dancers we dance on a symbolic representation of the 4 corners of life, the stage. There is a saying that dance continues on from one stage to the next and if you see it from the few point of the eternal circle, it’s meaning changes. It’s not about the audience or the applause, it’s about us understanding our position in life and feeling good about it. This is where the duality of life comes together and we dance from a place of freedom. It really is about us coming in and placing ourselves where we belong in the eternal circle of life.
