Introducing Yourself to the World
by Leyla Najma · 4 Comments
This past weekend was really a joy because I did a combination mother/daughter and professional photo shoot with photographer extraordinaire Michael L. Miller and his beautiful wife Tish. The best part was seeing my 16 year old daughter Savanah before the camera holding her own and seeing a glimpse of the woman she is to become. She is starting to leave her mark on the world and it became evident to me that she will be a force to be reckoned with. Her foundation is strong so she is off to a good start. Our funny moment of the day was Savanah’s dog, Rocky who came with us to be photographed. She growled the whole time she was being positioned on a box used as a prop. It was hysterical to see her Doberman/red heeler personality come out, complaining about being photographed!
I on the other hand agreed to be apart of a project that Michael is doing called, “Women of a Certain Age” and actually did some of the photos partially nude. It was very liberating to just let go and not worry about what was showing or worry about what I needed to hide. Michael is inviting many women to come in to be photographed dressed or undressed (women’s choice) to be apart of this special project. So if any New Mexicans or those of you close by who wish to be apart of Michael’s project contact him at: mlmiller@9point.com
Yesterday’s photo shoot got me interested in looking into what the typical belly dance photo was like especially in today’s market. So today as I surfed the internet looking at dancers photographs I realized that the belly dance image, the feminine archetype of this dance is not only recognizable by our costume but by the typical poses most dancers use. I have to say I saw many beautiful photographs but after awhile they all looked the same and they didn’t really tell me anything about the dancer outside of belly dance. I say this because we are not all belly dancers 24/7.
Okay, some of us might be in the belly dance mind zone most of the time but there are other things that we do that make us who we are. For instance I sent in an article to Chronicles Belly Dance Magazine for their next issue that has a few things in it about belly dance but it’s really about my studying with Native Americans, going on vision quests and talking about the teachings and symbology of the teepee. Chronicles accepted it partially I think because it was different from the normal articles I write but also because it shows other aspects to me that make me who I am other then just a belly dancer. I am indefinable because there is so much to my learning process that I haven’t discovered yet and because there are so many paths to travel that can lead to other interests. When I danced for Salima Ikram and Aidan Dodson here in New Mexico, two of the most distinguished Egyptologists in their field, the Egyptologist in me went bonkers. So obviously my alternate ego is………..you guessed it an Egyptologist in the field looking for none other then Cleopatra’s tomb!
Since I am not an Egyptologist “yet” I have found that being a member of ARCE was a close second to being the real deal. So as you can see my love of Egypt isn’t just belly dance. But now I’m getting away from myself; what I am trying to say is that your photographs say so much to the world about who you are and if there isn’t something that makes you a little different, well then your photos and website won’t be as distinguishable from everybody else’s. You have to let people know that you are vibrant women and that you encompass so much of life along with diverse interests that in some ways may parallel belly dance but can stand on their own too. So this means your photos show the world they are looking at a woman who has a vast array of interests, desires and personalities.
I’ll give you some examples of some of the photo shoots I have done. 
- I tapped into my Cleopatra fem fatale impersonation and found that we all have a little Cleopatra in us………I found mine!
- Body Painted and photographed in the sand dunes South of ABQ as Anaksunamun. It stands alone as one of my most favorite photo shoots because the day was just beautiful and I felt like a Goddess.
- Photographed with Timber Wolves Raven and Forest at the Wild Spirit Wolf Sanctuary. The photographer was none other then Michael. It was the initiation of a lifetime. Working with animals is a joy besides stress beyond belief. I was exhausted but for all the right reasons!
- Photographed in the Badlands of NM with coral, amber and turquoise necklaces as focal point for Native American jewelry. The great part of this photo shoot was the necklaces were covering my breasts and nothing more. It was very liberating and to me more sensual then any costume bra or beaded top. I had on an elk belly dance skirt that a medicine woman made for me that has a piece of tiger eye in it and a prayer she sewed into the skirt. I feel her prayer every time I wear my skirt.
- Body painted as an Egyptian warrioress, ready for battle. I had hieroglyphs painted down my arms and legs. Egypt was alive and well in me that day! Plus I had a fake sword, but a sword none the less that kept getting me into trouble called too much imagination.
- My Feather Fantasy photo shoot was inspired by a handmade peacock costume and feather head dress. This was more of a belly dance theme but I had the costume and headdress made to my taste. I also did Greek poses with only my veil as a cover. Again this was very liberating with a twist of the turn of the century vogue look to the photos.
- I had a group photo shoot done with some of my students representing New Mexico in all her glory. This meant that everyone brought in the colors of the sunsets, landscape and diverse cultures of people living side by side. So we did a melting pot of feathers, corsets, gypsy skirts and painted faces. In the end Michael did a marvelous job of capturing all of us and our personalities.
- One of my all time favorite photo shoots was taken with my Clydesdale mare Molly in my Native American wedding dress. It was a time in my life when I was actually living in a gypsy wagon and teepee at the same time. In the same photo shoot I was photographed on Molly in my gypsy skirt. She died shortly afterwards so I am to this day grateful I did the photo shoot with her.
- One of my first photo shoots was with world renowned photographer Richard Byrd who photographed Presidents, diplomats, movie stars and major rock bands. I was photographed behind one of my face veils that I brought back from Maadi, a suburb of Cairo. The suppression I felt wearying the face veil can be seen in the photos.
So as you can see I am not just a belly dancer but a cowgirl, medicine woman, lover of wolves, gypsy, Egyptologist enthusiast, horse lover and woman advocate. I want you to see all of me in my photos so that when you take classes with me, you know a little bit about the woman standing before you. In the end we are all standing side by side living life if not together at least on video or in our photos.
Give people a little more then just a dance pose, give them a window into the woman that is in the photograph who is so much more and indefinable. In the end most people will remember the woman who told them a story instead of a woman that conceals her life in an average pose.
The Sensitivity of Dance Business
I decided to do something a little different this time only because I want to make it clear why I write in my blog. Just last week I was called “passive aggressive” because I mentioned the workshop that I taught in AZ. I actually looked up the word because I was clueless to the actual reference itself. It states that the behavior trait is passive, sometimes obstructionist resistance to following through with expectations in interpersonal or occupational situations. Symptoms are: Fear of competition, fear of dependency, making chaotic situations, procrastination, making excuses for non-performance, obstructionism, sulking, victimization response; instead of recognizing one’s own weaknesses, tendency to blame others for own failures.
All the above is really interesting and I thought about it for a couple of hours because I had to respond back to the actual email by this person. I looked back over my blog just to make sure because, hey if I am this type of personality I thought, okay I’ll own up to it. I looked back at what I wrote about the workshop which was one paragraph and I said that what had happened was my fault. So I owned up to that fact. I did my job, traveled all the way out there and was able to enjoy being with Daniel. So I followed through with my word didn’t procrastinate, sulk while I was there. Afterwards I realized that certain things were not done that should have been done but chalked it up to me letting stuff slide which I stated as well.
So I thought I would talk to a friend of mine who is a psychiatrist about it. She laughed and said literally in her own words, “You are not passive-aggressive, period!” So as I was reading the email to me again I realized that it had a lot of the signs and symptoms in it that I was being accused of. So when I wrote back I felt fairly confident that this person was not only misguided but was throwing their own issues onto me saying, “Catch!” And I figure it this way if I was passive-aggressive, I wouldn’t be rocking the boat, I would be pushing people out of the boat blaming them for rocking the boat.
I understand that some of what I write is blunt and to the point but I feel that I should be honest with you guys because I would want someone honest with me especially if I am making this dance my career. There are just certain protocols that should not be ignored in any situation especially if you are a business person. So here are a few important business tips I would like to share with you all. This might be a repeat but I think a needed repeat:
1. Have your own contract ready to send to anyone who wants to hire you for a workshop, public event such as weddings, corporate parties, city festivals etc. Make sure you stipulate what you charge and what you expect in accordance to advertizing and marketing, traveling expenses which include type of travel, hotel and food.
2.Make sure you include into the contract the right to sell your merchandize such as videos, music, clothing etc. This can counter any low attendance to major shows or workshops.
3.If you have a verbal agreement, back it up with a written agreement. I recommend after phone calls to sit down and type up the conversation so that you won’t forget what was said. This way any miscommunication or unrealistic expectations can be alleviated or you can remind people verbatim what you heard them say.
4.If for any reason you don’t feel comfortable with something then immediately communicate this to the sponsor. (This is where communication can come in and save the day. Sometimes I don’t take my own advice here and problems arise because I don’t.)
5.Follow your gut on anything you do and make sure you are happy with the arrangement. Don’t do anything at the risk of your own integrity.
I think these 5 tips will be a good place to start plus I am sure there are many more to add. The best thing to do is to realize that your dance is an investment and if you don’t put the time into yourself then how can you expect anybody else to. People respond to good business practices and if any of us let these practices slide, we are the ones that ultimately pay the price and no one else.
So if this is rockin the boat then I gladly do it!
Leyla
Belly Dancing and the Paycheck
by Leyla Najma · 1 Comment
In today’s day and age it’s hard to think about making a living with belly dance outside of teaching classes, gigs, sewing or promoting. Most dancers who have studios are juggling marketing and self promotion under one breath.
The hardest thing for me to do has been to promote myself with a straight face without feeling like I’m a charlatan. Daniel has watched me promote shows easily with proficiency and watch me struggle and deny myself the same endorsement or ability. When I danced at a local restaurant here in town I could maneuver my selling ability around the hustle and bustle of waiters and waitresses which meant working in a way that I felt wasn’t pushing myself on people. I had to learn that if I didn’t sell myself, nobody at that restaurant was going to do it for me.
I remember one year a dancer here in town had a festival and she thought the restaurant that I danced at would be a good venue for a cocktail hour dinner show. It was an unfortunate and erroneous idea from the get go and I remember the throngs of dancers packed into a small space like sardines. The mayhem was just the beginning because as the evening wore on the dancers who used the bathroom kept those needing to use it languishing in line for minutes on end. Food orders were screwed up not because of the incompetency of the wait staff but because a majority of the women when ordering kept changing their minds or mixing up orders. I was there through out the confusion because I helped the restaurant and my dance friend that evening by keeping glasses filled and tempers pacified.
Weeks after the event my friend complained about the evening stating that she didn’t make any money and I told her straight off that it was too small a venue and she should have known better. But sometimes deaf ears become a precious commodity when defending ones own opinion. She couldn’t see past her own reasoning which sometimes in women tends to be more of an emotional crutch.
A good example of one of my faux pas was last June in a workshop I did in Sedona, AZ. I didn’t send the venue hostess my usual business contract requests and I ended up being in the red on that one. The fact that there wasn’t enough advertizing done pretty much guaranteed well intended efforts to be exhausted. The hostess was inexperienced and I suspected this but I kept silent because I was really looking forward to the trip and I was crossing my fingers hoping she would come through. It was my own fault but a costly one. That is not a good business approach to have and I knew better. I was the contactee on this one instead of Daniel and after that experience he said in a very polite way that from now on he was taking over negotiations period. I had to agree with him because it doesn’t make sense to lose money and make money for someone else especially in a business that is your livelihood. You all might have déjà vu on this one but I put it in again to remind myself that no matter how many years you can have in this business its’ so easy to let business ethics slide.
A while back a dance acquaintance explained how she does so many workshops. She said that if she sees a workshop happening in an area that she likes, she will call the event coordinator and offer to teach a workshop at the event. She will fly herself there and work out a deal so that the following year she is invited back with her expenses paid and she then offers to bring them to her hometown. I guess this is the old fashioned way of doing business because in today’s economy this just doesn’t work anymore. But it seemed to answer the questions nagging at the back of my mind regarding why so many of the same dancers were teaching at workshops continuously. She said many dancers in her time did it and I think that is how they monopolized the workshop circuit for so many years.
Making a living with belly dancing is different today and I think many women are finding out that putting up a website isn’t enough anymore. Daniel did a beautiful website for a dancer in New York that was really the cat’s meow. I was slightly jealous but I was so impressed with the website that I was tickled it was his baby. Unfortunately she let so much of her information like scheduling, events, photos slide to the point it was obvious she was neglecting it. It’s no longer up and the unfortunate thing is that this dancer who is very passionate about her dancing had no clue what her website was for. I didn’t know up until I met Daniel so I thank God he showed me the ropes and purpose of my website which was to help me make money. It’s not easy but keeping up on your weekly and monthly schedules means that you are in the game and ready to play.
I just saw a friend’s website that looked like it had been put together by a 5 year old. It didn’t start out that way but part of her problem is that she has someone impersonating a moderator come in to post stuff who doesn’t have a clue on how to keep the lines in place or keep the integrity of the website intact. From what it used to be to what it is now, it’s a shame. So obviously the reason I am bringing the issues of websites up is because they have to be maintained by someone who knows what they are doing and that also means we have to care about how we are presented to potential customers. With so many dancers out and about the competition is different now and there are many dancers out there that do care and take every aspect of their career seriously.
If belly dance is part of your paycheck isn’t it smart to invest most of your time to figuring out how you can make more money? It’s not hard and in today’s economy what you have to do is be diligent in the areas of your dancing that matter the most to you. It comes down to if you want to dance more, focus on that or if you want teach at workshops, focus on that. I think that as women we tend to want it all and we can’t focus on it all because it’s not in our nature to spread ourselves so thin. Remember insanity is always lurking around corners to snatch our brains!
And lets’ not forget the shams out there who take advantage of unsuspecting dancers. The belly dance break a leg award goes to “Learn how to be a professional belly dancer in less than a month.” We received another email from this notorious dancer and yet again she stated that because she is who she is, she is the only dancer who can teach students this way. (No I am not putting words in her mouth, she said this) So I guess the belly dance greats just can’t hold a candle next to this dancers abilities but I think it’s more they wouldn’t want to. I think this is the perfect example of the inflated ego fleecing the public.
In the end I think if we understand that life is a dance from one stage to the next then we know the best way to leave the stage is not only with a thunderous applause but with some money in our pockets, the honest way.
Egypts Unrest
by Leyla Najma · 3 Comments
Watching the people march in the streets of Cairo yesterday was surreal because it felt just like yesterday when I lived there. In a way there was a slight unrest even back than in the early 90’s. You could feel it around you; it was almost like an impending event waiting to happen that thankfully never did.
The culture shock took maybe a few weeks to ease off because living there puts you in a different mind set than visiting. I walked the streets and traveled to so many places that it’s inevitable that you see poverty beyond imaginings. It wasn’t just in a few areas, it was all around down street corners or over bridges, a constant reminder of the haves and have nots of society. Sometimes I felt guilty of my status and wondered how much of a gap there really was between lower middle income families and the poor. The upper echelon seemed oblivious to the obvious around them. Some people regarded my questions as an irritable child’s ramblings and I was chastised and put in my place by a few choosing to stay blind. To me the poverty and poor stood out like sore thumbs. How on earth could no one notice……?
It’s easier to ignore the obvious and act like nothing is wrong than to acknowledge that there are problems unless the problems are yours. And even in the early 90’s the problems were evident. There was an assassination attempt on Mubarak’s life when I lived there that was not even on the evening news back home. When I called my parents from my apartment to ask if they heard of the news, they said there was nothing about it on any of the channels. I wonder to this day why such an important bit of news from an ally country wasn’t even reported back home? Even back than it was obvious that change was not only needed but the missing link to a better economy. The assignation was a sign of the times.
I remember standing by a grocery store on the outskirts of Maadi when a man came into view holding his dead son. He was crying and wailing as he walked by us almost falling over from grief. He walked past me and a friend blinded by his tears and to this day I can’t forget the lifeless body of the boy. How do you rationalize that it was the boy’s time to go? Life is cruel sometimes and the innocent pay the price.
Food should not be a day to day worry for parents and a loaf of bread shouldn’t be a luxury. One day when I was at a farmers market I witnessed a young boy no more than 7 run up to a cart full of loafs of bread grabbing one before the cart owner could stop him. The cart owner fell to the ground yelling at the young boy who disappeared down a street corner. I had just minutes before finished eating at one of the ritzy hotels so watching the little boy steal the loaf of bread was unreal. It made me think of how much I took for granted and how little some have to eat. The mere fact I could eat anywhere I wanted was an oblivious right to me. To this little boy to be in my shoes would have been like winning the lottery.
At about my second month in Maadi I decided to give a few of the beggar kids some money even though my Egyptian friends said it was not safe to do so. I just couldn’t stand not doing anything as they put their little hands out asking for money being barefoot and in raggedy clothes. As soon as I gave the first four or five kids money I was swarmed and surrounded by mothers and a multitude of children begging for more money who came out of nowhere. I was getting squashed in the mayhem and realized my blunder. A friend of mine, Mohamed who was a taxi driver ran into the crowd and had to literally pull me out of the crowd, shoving me into his taxi. The kids were hitting the side of the doors but as we were able to go faster they seemed to disappear back into the alley ways. I was reprimanded by my friend Mohamed and this time I understood the reasoning behind it. There were just too many in need and as they were asking for money they were pulling on my clothes, hair and arms. I thought I was going to get crushed for a few brief minutes and the realization of how close I came made me shake a bit. With one more scowl and finger pointing at me Mohamed turned around to drive and asked me where I wanted to go. It was the first time I can remember saying, “Anywhere where I can have a drink!”
There are so many memories and so many emotions that I am experiencing right now. The poverty mixed in with temples and pyramids is an oxymoron. Maybe that’s why so many of my friends and I who have lived there carry the weight of Egypt’s despair in our hearts.
In my soul I am marching along with my friends in Egypt because I know that life could be better and should be better not just for them but for all people. The fact that they are united and have an undeniable hunger for change makes me feel more human because as human beings sometimes we have to stand together shoulder to shoulder to see our vision and create change. So these past few days have been crucial ones for our Egyptian friends, may we all hold them in our prayers and ask for peace.
Part 2 of The Neighborhood that Isn’t
by Leyla Najma · 3 Comments
The last blog post seems to have struck a nerve with many of my readers. The issue did with me and that is why I decided to write about it. With some of the emails that I have received since I posted the blog it has become clear that I am not alone in the alienation problem and that many women are dealing with this very painful emotion.
A couple of nights ago I was watching the “Beverly Hills Housewives” just because I was tired and couldn’t sleep. It was a shocking episode where it showed the wives at a dinner party. As the party moved to the dining room the drama escalated to blunt comments and accusations. Most of the women were screaming at each other and talking over each other so at times it was hard to see who was yelling at whom. The negativity was spewing out of their mouths like volcanic eruptions and not any of them cared who they lashed out at. There was a psychic who helped instigated the argument along with the hostess. It was a situation that could have been avoided by simply not buying into the verbal jabs. But that isn’t the American woman way or is it?
The animosity was way beyond human it was really almost animalistic. This ladies is a representation to the masses of who we are, how we react and relate to each other. No wonder our gender can’t get a grip because we are constantly being showcased at our worst with non other than our own gender leading the way. It seems the same words are spoken and directed as insults without any consideration which are jealousy, insecurity, bitchiness, trash, gossip, whore etc. Not much changes when women go at each other because it seems that these same words are used over and over again. Since we use 5xs more words now than in Shakespearian time, you would think our vocabulary would have a broader range of words just for arguments sake but obviously this is not the case.
After I watched that particular episode it made me think and realize that we don’t have a lot of women representing us who can lead us into the 21st century as a united front. I call what I saw the other night, the woman debilitating problem or WDP. If we don’t become aware of our own insecurities we will look just like those women on TV. As mothers what worse role models can our daughters follow than a weak insecure woman? Let’s get real, maybe down and dirty, we all have baggage and we all carry a load that is way too heavy for us to carry but we do it anyways out of habitual, encumbering, self sacrificing reasons that don’t amount to a hill of beans. So why do we hold onto insecurities that don’t serve us but exploit our very fears?
Is it really my community’s fault that I have crawled into my cave and decided to go my own way? Do they really care? I can tell you all for a fact my community does not care not because they are heartless women but because they are too busy doing their own thing. I am only one woman and I have to decide where my creative energies will be directed. There are a lot of women in my home town who are leaders so one less leader to contend with is I’m sure fine with them. Leaders like to know their territory and they like to know who their followers are. If there are too many leaders in one area than that means the followers are slim pickings with dwindling fanfare. It may seem strange that I see it this way but leaders need followers/students to make them feel like they have a rank or position in society. So men aren’t the only ones who go through this. Women want authority and prestige just like anyone else but within a one gender based community the rules change a bit.
Since we are judged by our looks maybe more so than men, I see that we have created a measuring scale for ourselves. Everything is on this measuring scale; beauty, curves, flawless skin, thick hair, correct weight, height, breasts etc. I think intelligence comes in way behind our physical attributes because the media, television and magazines spoon feed us our insecurites regarding our bodies. I mean we can and do add to this scale on a daily basis. How a woman looks to us and dances measures about the same on a subconscious level where our insecurities are waiting to go down the list of what we don’t have compared to what “she” does have. We can really just call this measuring scale another cup of “insecurity.”
If a woman creates a theatrical show that might have a slight advantage to another’s lacking ability based on their own viewpoint, what would be the typical protocol? Our gender’s WDP will usually start to feel uncomfortable with the fact that another dancer might be successful, spiraling her lacking condition downwards to a bottomless pit. I’ll admit it; there are a few dancers in my community that I don’t like because of their conduct. When they put on a show my WDP kicks in and I don’t support their efforts. Maybe its principals and values here but realistically all the above is mixed in and I find this is a major problem. How do I act professionally when my “real” feelings give me away? How do I look in the mirror and say one thing to myself and say another publically? Is this where the saying came from, “Saving face?”
What was normal for us hundreds of years ago can’t even be quoted today because I don’t believe as women we ever had normal. Religion, cultures, wars have dictated what we are, who we could become and where we could go. You would think with our freedom of today we could get past the crap and finally step up to our rightful places as equal citizens. But maybe equality is another bugger here because this means so many different things to so many different people.
I was in Luzern, Switzerland years ago and went to a lake where the gals would take their tops off while they were tanning. It felt invigorating to have a choice to go partially nude or not but my boyfriend at the time didn’t want me to. He enjoyed the boobies everywhere but he didn’t want mine enjoyed by everyone else. So was he the hypocrite or was I? What I am saying is that relationships do play a major role in our decisions but I wonder how much they play havoc on our choices as women of today and in regards to interacting with each other. After awhile I must say I became irritated because my former boyfriend was enjoying all the boobies around him to the point I was being ignored. So my irritation was targeted towards the women who were topless which was their right to do so. I on the other hand didn’t care because I felt slighted by a choice that I allowed to be taken away from me. I learned from that experience that what I allowed to happen to me affected my opinion toward my own gender. It’s just one of many instances that I can remember where I let someone else influence me to the point that my disgruntled disposition affected my opinion towards the very women who I probably would have enjoyed otherwise. Our very bodies would have been our common ground but I allowed what was really my choice to be taken away. How many times within a day or week do we allow a decision to be placed upon us that isn’t ours to carry?
I realized that my attitude towards my community was really a reflection of my attitude towards myself. As a woman of today I need to find my true reflection of what I really am so that when I look at my community I can allow them to be what they really are……….creative women doing what they love to do. If I can see them without WDP than I think for the first time I will be able to enjoy the view just like being in the audience watching a movie. I can enjoy watching the story, journey, drama or play unfold without me knowing how it will end but knowing it will end the way it needs to. What I am saying is “To live and let live.”
