Are drama queens born not made? Was I a little drama queen when I was little…I don’t think so because my parents had the paddle of dread. Does this title only have to do with girls and not boys? I don’t think hormones or gender has anything to do with emotional outbursts but more to do with attitudes, circumstances and stress. In my twenties, people used to tell me I was the easiest going person they knew. Travel twenty something years into the future and now I am a bit of a neurotic, paranoid and worn out dancer that looks a little tattered. It’s not just life but the choices I made, the consequences of those choices and the people that were apart of those choices.  I think all the above helped to develop the drama queen but I was the artist, the sculptured figure and choreographer of my dance destiny.

In the beginning of my dance career, it seemed that the magical and wonderful world of dance offered me choices only dreams are made of. But as the years past, I realized that I was amongst many dancers who were choosing to become belly dancers too, in other words it’s only a matter of time before heads roll and tongues wag. I can remember the high school drama of, “Oh, she’s just jealous,” and the comments of, “They just don’t like me,” being common among the girls I went to school with. In theater we learn about drama in the acting sense but what about outside the theater? The more theatrical an actor is, the more drama he or she emotes so would this mean that since we are on stage, then we emote this drama off stage as well? It’s the embellishment of emotions and reactions to life that makes a drama queen even more over the top but in saying this…too many drama queens grouped together can suck the air out of any room.

I love attractive people and most of my friends are beautiful so perhaps there’s this part of me that believes success is part of a package deal. I really think a person has to work hard at being ugly. For example, my daughter’s biological father could be a Brad Pitt stand in but by the time I had Savanah, you couldn’t pay me to stay with him. He had exhausted even the most obvious and simplest elements of attraction. So is a beautiful person more prone to become a drama queen? In many ways I think it’s a mindset of persistent opinions, a slight passive aggressive trait and self importance. Well…okay beautiful people tend to get away with more crap then the average person. In my book I write about a beautiful dance friend of mine that I used to do shows with at restaurants and nightclubs and I found that sometimes I was invisible. Holding my ground sometimes felt like I was in a world of unfair standards and I finally understood I either had to focus on my dancing or crawl back under my rock.

One time we walked into a huge room of excited patrons waiting for a Persian singer to perform. The atmosphere was electric and we found that our music was already with the DJ and we were up next. The concert hostess unfortunately didn’t know how to manage things well and everything was chaotic and off schedule. If we wouldn’t have walked into the concert hall at the time we did, we wouldn’t have known we were up to dance. This group knew my friend well and everyone was yelling her name. A few people asked me who I was as we passed by but I didn’t have time to talk because our music was starting which was odd especially since we weren’t introduced properly to the crowd. I ran up to the stage and started to perform, a little out of breath with a frenzy kind of energy that started to take over me. All I knew was that I was so happy to be on stage, it was heaven, it was divine inspiration and all eyes were upon us. We ended with a drum solo that was from one of Hossam Ramzy’s CDs. We rocked the concert hall; I mean how can you not with his music?!! Everyone was yelling and I ended with a Turkish drop. Did they applaud…I can only vaguely remember but when we ran back through the crowd people were yelling at me, touching me as I went by, smiling their approval. It was the first time I felt like my dance spoke louder then any anxiety or insecurity I had. After that experience I realized that my insecurity of feeling inadequate could have brought out the drama queen in me. I don’t act out, I become quiet and self absorbed with a despondent manner to my mood. So my next question…is ego another facet of a drama queen or is it created through insecure thoughts that are backed by shallow achievements? Let’s face it, success comes and goes like the wind, what steadies us is the building blocks of our foundation.

I wonder how different a drama queen is from an egotistical person or are they cousins. Maybe they are opposite sides of the same coin and then there is a possibility of them being the same coin. There is such a thing as drama therapy. It’s a therapeutic remedy that includes, role playing, theater games, group dynamic games, mime and puppetry. The whole point of this kind of therapy is to help a person solve problems, discover hidden truths about themselves, catharsis (emotional release) and unhealthy patterns. By the way, Aristotle was the originator of this term called catharsis. There’s a good book out on the subject of drama therapy called “Drama as Therapy: Theory, practice and research,”by Phil Jones. It would be interesting as dancers if we looked at our habitual hehavior and characteristic in a way that allows for self evaluation. After the last show I produced I spent a year doing just this. It’s so important to stay healthy in this business so we don’t go off the deep end head first.

Let’s take the drama queen a little further…so what if we come across a well trained and proficient drama queen who has the passive-aggressive behavior down. I talked to my psychologist friend and she told me it’s a misused word that has become very popular in the last couple of years. I even remember hearing it on the “The Real Housewives of New York City” series where they used it multiple times through out that particular season. Some descriptions state that the passive-aggressive personality is a result from being discouraged to not show emotions growing up or it simply wasn’t allowed.  Another definition states that a passive-aggressive person acts out by procrastinating or by showing resentment after the fact. They don’t take responsibility for their actions and they turn the tables on others. Can any of you remember shows, or any projects that you took on with this type of personality? There seems to be various degrees of this type of personality and it seems to fit as part of the description of a drama queen.

I was thinking back to some experiences I have had with different dancers through out the last five years and I realize that dance can’t be a band aid or quick fix for emotional problems. Oh, and I am including myself here so please no emails from dancers thinking I’m pointing a finger. If there’s anybody who’s in the forefront of this statement…I’m willing to put myself here first. If we keep our sanity only in the office or work place and allow ourselves to go bonkers in our dance careers then I think we defeat our purpose for dancing. Belly dance is a therapy for the body, mind, soul and emotions and if we leverage it as a measuring stick to see how far we can go without taking care of ourselves then we will find that down the line we will be worse for the wear. Years ago, I had a plant maintenance business that did well but I was constantly running ahead of a large invisible rolling rock just slightly behind me and a few times it came a little too close for comfort. I was constantly traveling in my car and since I wasn’t listening to the signs to slow down, the Universe decided to do me a big favor by getting my attention through an accident. It got my attention and shortly after that I realized I had no time for myself and that the only person that was really suffering was me. I was exhausted and tired all the time due to my business, studio and then I danced on the weekends and then the gigs… Needless to say I wasn’t centered and my emotional state suffered at a cost not only to myself but to my family. Students seemed to sense I was down for the count and some liked seeing me there while others were amazing and pulled me up from my bootstraps. Sometimes when  you are in a leadership role students don’t understand you are just as human as they are. I finally said to my daughter, I’m ready for a break. So I focused on my dancing in a way that made sense for me, and Hip Phylosophy became a prominent curriculum that sustains itself by continually giving me joy and inspiration. My dance became my muse and the drama queen in me became less and less recognizable. Letting the plant maintenance and studio go were blessings in disguise.

How can we get along and keep a peaceful relationship with each other? I think in the end we can have opinions without agendas, ideas without criticism and be the consummate supporter of individual creativity instead of opposing each others inspiration. The drama queen only thinks of herself, her problems and life’s ill-fated deck of cards dealt her way. Life is a game of chance but if we play with a positive attitude then maybe we can find that even if we don’t always win, we can at least be thankful we are in a position to play. Sometimes being at the table of life is enough.

Trail Blazing Diet News

Onto the diet news…no cheese, bread and at this point I’m doing okay. I’m staying away from fries and enjoying salads more. I have lettuce growing in the back yard and it’s wonderful. I still can’t dance yet, the chiropractor says no but I’m crossing my fingers for next week. Once I can dance again and keep up with my walks I think I’ll see changes. Also talked to my aunt who’s a nurse about the thyroid and she suggested I look into thyroid pills for help. Once I get them I’ll share what they are. Menopause or not, I’m on my way and ready to lose weight! Thanks for all your help and I am also looking into everything you all suggested. Thank you all for your support!!

Look for my book “The Divine Unrest”!!! Coming soon!!!

www.bellydancevillage.com

I wanted to write a bit about the belly dance journey and to let you all know that every once in awhile the rose colored glasses come off and reality starts to set in even for us belly dancers. Sometimes women think that self fulfillment will happen magically with this dance and to be honest with you it takes work. But it’s the kind of work that feels more like an entrepreneurial quest. We make the journey what it is, a success or a spiraling drama. At times they kind of go hand in hand but how much really depends on you.

Just remember that you are the same person years later in the dance and the only changes are the levels of success you have with your dance and with yourself. It seems like it’s easy to forget our purpose in this particular dance field especially if you have professional aspirations and you have been at it awhile. Even women who take belly dance classes for self fulfillment reasons only can get caught up in expectations in what type of fulfillment will happen. We really are in charge of our own outcome but more times then not we forget we are our own leader and we start following someone else’s path. This is a major problem for many women because with any type of art we really have to create our own masterpiece. Even dancers who are apart of a troupe bring in their own artistry. With this type of  visual art in front of audiences it is easy to see why belly dance  has an occult like following.

As with any dancer, I started out with dreams and aspirations and they have never left me but the brutal reality of life as an entertainer and performer has tarnished my naive sensibilities.   But in saying this I also  have to admit  that I am a stronger and more focused person because  of what I have experienced. The constant drama of the stage will make any woman a seasoned performer but the important thing to remember is not to lose yourself in the lessons.

The key to the belly dance journey is to stay true to your path and follow your own gut instincts. Did you all know that gut means “God” in Scandinavian? So we just have to remember that God talks to us constantly through our gut feelings. And the gut feelings are apart of us being our own leader but of course with some help. Oh and by the way, this reminds me, sometimes you can feel alone in dance but creativity is really like a life time partner………she’ll never leave you alone and the best part of all is you will always have her by your side.

If we focus on our own gut feelings and creativity the lessons of the stage seem less dubias and  more satisfying. At the end of the day it really is about fulfilling the promises that we make to ourselves even if they were made long ago. The journey is about “you” and how you live life. The journey isn’t about  about who did what or what somebody said because ultimately it’s about what you think of yourself. Friends or no friends you will always be the one walking your path.

Last thought; it occured to me that part of the journey is being the kind of friend to ourselves that we search for in our community. It’s all in the company we keep  so with my gut, creativity and inner knowing of who I am I guess I really am not alone. It’s a good feeling!

This past weekend I was able to do a workshop with my students and at the same time showcase  the curriculum that I have been  working on for a better part of a year.  What is so exciting about  this new curriculum is that it is the end result of students understanding choreography in a way that makes sense to them.

What I mean by this is students are learning  to understand their own choreography. The curriculum shows them how to connect the dots.

The one thing that I have noticed especially with the emails Daniel and I have received through out this last year is that many dancers don’t understand how to interpret movement to music or they don’t even know why they move a certain way to the music, they just follow their teacher. Some dancers have said that they learn the same moves over and over again but  the reason behind the move is not talked about.

I think as teachers we have to take a good look at our own curriculum and than stand back so we can take a good look at what we are teaching.

Connecting the dots never made more sense to me than it does now. We can’t just give students a glimpse of something and than hope they get it, we have to show them what happens when the dots are connected. What is so exciting right now is that the end result of my curriculum is showing itself in each and every dancer that I have.  I have beginner students who I started with this curriculum and they are advancing in leaps and bounds. I have students that have come back to me that are amazed at the changes and they can see the difference in what they had already learned to what they are learning now.

The online classes have really helped evolve this curriculum and my teaching ability. I have many students and dancers to thank for helping me understand that when a student is learning how to dance she has to be taught in a way so that she can enjoy and understand the process.

The formula is simple; opposition hips and understanding how they work together or apart. Layering with opposition hips and understanding when to work in your right and left sides. Transition steps and transition moves used to change with the phrasing in the music.

If students are given a repertoire of moves and combinations and they are taught how to use them than eventually the body will relax and take over. Once the body relaxes and takes over than accents,exaggerated moves or pauses along with level changes, lines and angles can be used in the dancers own unique way. The end result will be a dancer that is confident and well trained.

So for all you teachers out there think about how you train your students because once a student understands how to connect the dots,  the dancer in her will emerge before your very eyes and it is a beautiful sight indeed!

The other day I was talking to my students Julie and Amy and I told them that this one combination came to me in the shower of all places. But another student Judy inspired the combination but why the heck did it evolve in the shower? Another group of dynamic turns came to me in a dream but I woke up before I figured out how I did them. I remember saying to myself  in the dream that I had to remember the turns and I woke up actually talking to myself.

That was a little creepy having a conversation with myself and than answering myself!  The other morning lying in bed I worked out a 6 week course curriculum and figured out how to make each class lead into the next.  Is creativity possessing me through choreography?  If so it is the kind of possession that never leaves you alone and can turn you into an eccentric old dancer who toots her own horn even if nobody is listening.

A wonderful quote says:

“Everything in the universe has rhythm. Everything dances.”-Maya Angelou
So maybe what is happening is that when we open the mind to inspiration it’s like opening the flood gates to creativity that rushes in with the power of the ages. I suppose that it would be easier if creativity came at the same time everyday but than wouldn’t that be a stagnant way of creating?  So creativity comes visiting  in my dreams, in the shower, in the car, when I’m dancing with students or without . And since creativity is directly from the Universe than this explains why there is a constant stream of ideas and moves coming my way.

How many of you feel this kind of divine unrest? It’s almost as if everything you look at has the beginnings of a movement. The tree branches blowing in the wind can be  either slow and sinuous  or fast and powerful movements. It’s all in the eyes of the dancer and how the tree is talking to her.  Students do this to me all the time. The best combinations I have ever come up with have been the inspiration of dance students who inspire me with their talent!

“One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star.” -Friedrich Nietzsche

So a choreography state of mind is what keeps the dancer alive and in her element.  I didn’t understand this years ago because I didn’t see movement anywhere I went. I think when a dancer finally embraces her own individuality she can finally see what was hidden from her. It’s almost like being in a magical land that at first appears barren and devoid of life than all of a sudden things appear before you that you never saw before. Maybe the possession creativity has on us just keeps us seeing the magic in life and than we see her rhythm and than we dance to her melody.

“We dance for laughter, we dance for tears, we dance for madness, we dance for fears, we dance for hopes, we dance for screams, we are the dancers, we create the dreams.” -Anonymous

So for now my students crack up laughing at my madness and I keep on tooting my own horn but the best part of all is my students hear me and they don’t mind listening!

For the last 8 years there has been a huge change not just in my dance career but also in my view of the world. There is one man responsible for this and he is my husband Daniel. Now you can only imagine what it’s like to be married to a belly dancer who has occasional outbursts or  rant and raves over the littlest things.  But Daniel watches me sometimes in amusement and other times with a blank look on his face that says, “Not again!”

One thing for sure Daniel is a trouper with a seasoned belly dance husband attitude. I often wonder what our husbands really think of our dancing which includes the drama that goes into each production, performance or dance class. They sit in the audience watching us perform knowing what we have put into our dance and than the first thing out of our mouth after the show is over is, “How did I do?” Now this really is not a fair question and it is pretty much a set up. They know this if they are seasoned and if they are not, they learn very quickly what not to say. Of course we want honesty but than we also want praise mixed in for good measure.  I remember one performance I asked Daniel how did I do and he said, “How do you feel you did?”  We looked at each other, me of course frowning and Daniel with a blurry eyed look because it was midnight.  He told me I danced beautifully as always and had a distraught look on his face pleading with me for us to go because it was so late and his back was hurting. So off we went and I realized as we were walking to our hotel room that there were no complaints from him the whole night. Sometimes we can forget that even for our husbands the dancing can become a blur. And we can also forget how good we have it with them.

Recently  Daniel came back stage after watching  a show I produced with my dear friend Rozana al Jinan and he gave me a big hug and told me what a great job we had done. He almost seemed amazed that we pulled off the show because it was not an easy show to produce.  For the belly dance husband when his wife does a good job it some how  validates  his hard work making sure she stays sane. Sanity leaves at an alarming rate towards the end of most productions. Daniel seems to understand my insane chatter during shows and performances so because of this I am able to focus on whatever I’m doing. Not many husbands  can do this so it takes a special man to be a belly dance husband.

Drama in belly dance is a given and if we don’t  have our sanctuaries at home than the stress of our dance could really take a toll on us. So I am always grateful that Daniel understands this as well. Sometimes I’ve come home on cloud nine and other times I’ve crawled in with a battle weary look on my face. Either way Daniel greets me with a hug and understands. This is the whole point about being a belly dance husband, they understand what we go through.

Since Daniel has put so much of his time into my belly dancing we both agree that it’s about time everyone who comes to the website  read about his viewpoints of belly dancing. So I’m excited that Daniel has agreed to put more of his time into writing to all of you. And if any of you have husbands who need advice Daniel is here to help. As women it is so important to understand that our husbands go  through belly dance stress too. Since Daniel is a seasoned belly dance husband he’s here to help. So look for more articles, advice and tips from my husband and I will be here as well to help all of you with your dancing. So you all have a belly dance team to help you out and I am blessed that my husband is the other half of me.

Through out the year there have been many experiences and lessons that have taken me to places I never expected. There were roads less traveled that caught my attention. Walking down them made me realize that we can’t always learn our lessons from conventional methods. And I also learned that I can say no to a lesson that keeps coming back.

An African Priestess who mentored me years ago told me that we can always say no to the Universe and that our request will be honored. I know what some of you may be thinking; how can I say no especially if it is a lesson that is necessary for my growth? Sometimes in our gut we know when there is a lesson that comes around that just isn’t necessary. Realizing this can release the chains of “society expectations” that we carry around with us on our journey through life.

Our American heritage seemed to be added to the melting pot of the dance world. In many ways our lives are intermingled with each other to the benefit of us all and to our detriment.   This leads me to new insights gained from this year, insights that surprised even me. With each step I took with my yearly path of my dance education I realized that years from now maybe none of this will matter. Because I realized that in the end all that really matters is how I create my dance for myself. Does my dance end with me or will it live long past my dieing breath? Does my mark on the belly dance world even matter?

Is life like a catalogue where we can pick and choose what we want just as long as we intend the right things? This can become so vague because everyone has their own agendas. What is right for one person might not be right for another. How each dancer walks her path to me is a big deal. I usually will look at a dancers portrayal of how she views dance because it is a good indication on how she lives life. And one of my surprises for this year was that just because someone has been in this business for years doesn’t mean that they don’t carry insecurities with them all the way through their journey.

It is as if the insecurity in itself is a precious bundle that she carries along with her to insure that in the end it will all validate why she walked her journey the way she did. Is she “me” as well? Do I carry my insecurities with me only to make sure I intend things just  to validate why I carry them around? I found the answer to be yes and this was the biggest surprise of all!

Walking still further I realized that there will be those who come after me who will hear the whisperings of my name and wonder who I was. So early in the year starting in March I made a solemn vow to myself to bring solutions to various problems that dancers come across on their path. I heard the complaints even from my own mouth and realized that the answers have always been visible and accessible. I just was so busy complaining I couldn’t see the answers that were right in front of me. My surprise was how easy the answers are to see once one is willing to look. Adding to this I noticed there are those who will not look under any circumstances because to see would invalidate their complaints. It is amazing to see that those who complain help the rest of us find the solutions and in doing so we walk our paths with greater ease.

So this is one of the aspects of the melting pot we are all apart of and this is what makes walking the American Silk Road the greatest lesson of all. How we walk says a lot about how we live and how we live says a lot about who we are.

So if you are wondering what lesson it was that kept coming around the corner; well lets just say that I realized my place in my community has a lot to do with how I feel about myself. I paid my dues along time ago and those who were trying to remind me of my place did me a favor. I finally looked down the road I have traveled and realized I have come a long ways. And as the saying goes, “I may not be there yet, but I’m closer than I was yesterday.”

Happy New Year and may your journey on the Silk Road be everything you can imagine and more. As Henry Ford once said “You can’t build a reputation on what you’re going to do,” so make this year count and just do it!

Blessings,

Leyla Najma

Many students/ dancers who write in to me and tell me a little about themselves are doing so because there is a need and desire to connect with someone who understands. And I am here to let all of you who write me know that I do understand.

In the beginning of my belly dance travels I couldn’t find a teacher for at least two years. I traveled working cattle so that meant I lived in remote areas. So I started to buy videos and practice when I had the chance. But like many of you I longed to connect with someone who could show me how to dance and become the belly dancer of my dreams.

After searching for a long time I found a wonderful dancer who took me in and started to teach me the foundation movements. As most beginners I was hungry for every move she taught and I had such enthusiasm that at times she felt a little overwhelmed. My first teacher was not so much a teacher as she was a performer. Her heart was on the stage and after about 4 months of dance class one day she told me she was no longer teaching me. No explanation was given and as my heart dropped I knew this meant I was again in a position where I had to find another dance teacher. My next teacher was a great inspiration but she let me know that she was already an accomplished dancer and that most probably I would not become her caliber for many, many years. This didn’t deter me at all.
What I did find with my second teacher was a disconnect between her and me that made me realize that if I am learning from someone who thinks only of herself than there isn’t much of a relationship. If a teacher doesn’t look out for you than you know you have someone that sees the world that revolves around only them and there is no room for you.

When we get a move or we accomplish a choreography, we want someone there who understands and claps and yells with us. There is no better feeling in the world than to be with people who understand what it takes to belly dance. Sometimes our families can be happy for us but they don’t always understand either.

I remember one time I finally was able to do a group of combinations and there was nobody around except for my horses, goats, geese and chickens. I was actually outside practicing in front of them. As I was yelling and jumping up and down the horses started to run, the chickens and geese ran around me and my goats were kicking up in the air. It was pretty funny and I will always remember that moment.
Another time when I was practicing outside my big draft horses thought it was time to get their heads scratched. So they would come right up to me and stick their big heads in my way. So as I said before our families don’t always understand what we are going through especially if they are the four legged kind.

Standing and looking down our belly dance path can be pretty daunting at times especially if we can’t see the forest for the trees. It can all become a blur and this is why a teacher is so important to most students. She can take those rose colored glasses off and give a student a different way of looking at movement, music and choreography. But like some of you I had to look for the right teacher. In the end I was very lucky because I have studied with amazing and talented dancers/choreographers/teachers through out my travels.

So as I have said before I understand how most of you feel. I have been there and the one thing that I would like for all of you to know is that I do read what you write. Some of you make me smile because I remember similar experiences that you write about. I remember the years without a teacher and this is one thing that I would like to change for anyone who is experiencing this now.

Most of you who are beginners are going through your own rights of passage. We all have done this especially those dancers who have been dancing for years like myself. Know that you are not alone and that as I progress with my 0n-line videos and get them out to each and every one of you, I think of the emails you send me and hope that I can create solutions to some of your problems.

As my favorite saying goes;

“A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle”

The Belly Dance Agenda
The Feminine Symbol

For most dancers walking into a dance studio is refreshing, enlightening and therapeutic. Since women today have so much on their plates, it is important to find something for themselves so they can find their own identity besides the mother, wife, and co-worker identities. In todays society we need to make sure that we keep our sanity.

There are many reasons why women dance and there are even more reasons why women want to express life and its meaning through dance. With the history of dance and what it represents for so many there can be no denying that a woman dancing in ways where she is undulating forward and back like a snake or moving her hips side to side is a powerful feminine symbol.

Is there not a question that is under the breath of each admirer or fellow dancer which is, “Does the dancer know what she represents?” Do we represent that which is most important to us or do we represent what people want to see in our dance. Is it even possible to separate the two since for most performers our job is to entertain the masses and this means being that which is in the eyes of the beholder? This is why belly dancing is so magical for so many, we become the symbol for each and every admirers imagined heroine.

Whether we be the temptress, virtuous dancer or wanton woman there is no other dance that signifies all three together. There can be the chance that we become “idols of perversity” only because women have been misunderstood for so long. And having so many students come to me in class made me aware that even we are not sure how to see ourselves as women.

Isn’t it amazing that we have created such a history that would be nothing without us. And yet if you talk to young women today they don’t know much about women of the past such as Hatshepsut, Empress Theodora, Elizabeth 1 of England just to name a few. And what is heart breaking is much of the records kept on many influential women through out history is incomplete because women were not thought worthy of mention. What of the women of dance who we don’t know because of the times in which they lived.

When we dance at any given time we must look at what happens to our state of being in the moment of each move, step and turn. Learning dance is one thing but than you must take it into you and create your own voice through your movements. This is how each dancer stands out because she voices her dance from how she lives her life which comes through in her movements. Even still perhaps this is why we have been apart of history for so long because women can create a voice that not only is heard but captures the attention of all who are watching her. Today we are noted and we have taken a stand to be appreciated within our time and to be written into history.

This dance itself can be a huge part in your history and how you have lived your life. Look at the women of today who have paved the way for us to be able to learn this ancient dance form. This means look at your teachers and appreciate what they are passing on to you. Remember that this dance is passed down from generation to generation and think of which generation you are apart of. The belly dance symbol includes how each generation treats each other, how we remember our past and what kind of future we are creating for our new generations. The belly dance agenda is the same for all of us. We all must keep the fires burning so that history shows what we really symbolize.

And this symbol is different for every woman so think about what you want to symbolize in this dance and what you stand for. In a way you will be creating your own history that is worth remembering.

My husband Daniel, looked up at me from his desk today and said, “Why don’t you write about dancers performing from who they are instead of performing from who they want to be?” He is always thinking about cool stuff for me to write and this one was a gem! So ladies thank my husband on this one.

Before Daniel suggested this short article I was giving him photographs of myself to copy that were taken years ago. I wanted to show you guys who I am besides Leyla Najma, the belly dancer. One photo is me praying in my medicine dress in the desert around Tombstone, Arizona. The other was me on my Clydesdale mare, Maggie who was doing a curtsy pose. I was dressed in my gypsy outfit riding Maggie for fans who were taking pictures.

These are both still me today but the belly dancer has taken precedence for many years. I often wonder how much the medicine woman comes out it me. I am still a gypsy and always will be……..so where is she in my dancing? A while back I wrote an article talking about “Life is a Stage” and this actually coincides with that article.

When I was studying with medicine men and women years ago, I learned to live each day as a rebirthing. My teepee always faced east because we believe that the sun coming up each day is a rebirth. The doors to the teepees are oval in shape so they make you feel like you are stepping out of a womb. This way each day stands on its own and the day before is in the eternal circle of life that has gone back into the Universe. I remember so clearly that I didn’t look forward to the weekends because each day was celebrated and many times I couldn’t tell what day it was. I was actually on “Indian time.”

I feel this celebration when I am on stage performing. Time stands still and doesn’t exist which in many ways is so liberating. This is where I write my script and keep my life lessons alive in my dance. If I live in the moment, than I can keep the memories alive in my heart with vivid details that never fade.

My days as a cowgirl and living in gypsy wagons, Bedouin tents and covered wagons are treasured memories but there are times when I relive those adrenalin moments especially just before I go on stage.
I remember on one particular road trip I was hauling my horses and following another truck in front that was hauling my gypsy wagon. Little did I know that the road was a two lane highway in the middle of nowhere that was down hill for at least 15 miles. I wasn’t told that the truck I was driving had brake problems.

The side I was driving on also happened to be on the side of the road that had no railing and a drop of over 30 feet. Half way on the downward incline my brakes gave out and all I could do was to shift into grandma gear and pray. I had to actually turn the truck sideways at the end so the momentum of the horse trailer and my truck going down hill would be at a minimum if I couldn’t stop. Burning brakes, smoke and a few curse words ended the white knuckle experience. I traveled every six months plus or minus a month and that was only “one” of me seeing my life pass before my eyes experiences that I had.
The first time I taught and danced in a workshop show……my life passed before my eyes. So as you can see there are a lot of similarities…kind of.

Years ago I was lucky enough to experience a spring and fall round up with one of the last working ranches in the Big Bend part of Texas. I was working with some of the best cowboys around, a dying breed.
On one particular brisk morning during the fall round up, we were taking a large herd of Mexican Steers to another part of the ranch. The cattle were skittish and the horses were nervous. You could feel electricity in the air and you could sense something was about to happen. With no warning the cattle took off in a dead run and we were all caught off guard. Within seconds we were all caught in a stampede.

My mare was keeping up but she was dodging bushes and jumping ravines at a dead run. If she tripped or if I fell off it would have been all she wrote! You could feel the ground shaking and the amount of focus it took to hold the cattle together was mind shattering. There could be no mistakes or the cattle would have scattered apart and it would have taken hours to get them back together. Fortunately the lead cowboys were able to get in front of the herd and we finally slowed them down keeping them all together. It ended just as quickly as it had begun. The adrenalin rush was coursing through my veins and my horse was shaking from head to hooves from her dead run. We all just looked at each other realizing at that moment that we experienced something that happens maybe once in a life time.

Is this not the feeling we feel just after a great performance. We know when we are on stage all eyes are upon us and that our timing has to be perfect with no mistakes. Our hearts beat at an uncontrollable rate and afterwards we stand in amazement that we’re apart of something that was incredible.
So……yes I guess I do bring in all of me when I dance. My script includes all my experiences but than I like to create a different persona now and than just to mix it all up. That’s a woman for you…….we stir the pot for no other reason than just because we can. And you know something…..I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Lights, camera, and oh yeah…….for a minute I forgot where I was. Isn’t it amazing what a stage can do to you? I mean for most of us who have been dancing for years, we have had the pleasure and displeasure of dancing on a variety of dance floors in odd spaces. I’ve danced on grass, tables (don’t recommend them) chairs (definitely don’t recommend them) gooey floors (don’t ask)and brick patios with little pebbles (my toes wouldn’t speak to me for weeks). Carpet is great for carpet burn and sloping hills can really challenge your sense of equilibrium!!

Once we find ourselves on a “real” stage we have a sense of making it.

So imagine with me a black stage shaped like a diamond with white tape to show the diamond design with seats positioned at an angle on either side. Sounds pretty amazing and to tell you the truth it was………………
Veils floating in the air in a sunset orange and yellow filled the stage as my friend Rozana al Jinan and her students danced with rhythmic grace and elegance. As the rush of bodies came back into the dressing room a laughing Rozana said “Watch your point of reference because you might get lost.”

“Oh no, another stage to contend with,” I thought to myself. So off I went walking to my place on the stage where I was to start. The Music started and so good so far that was until I started to do a head spin….uh oh….where’s the front from the back? Once I stopped I was facing the back wall and not the audience.

Thank God for spontaneous choreography and the fact that I am an old veteran of the occasional blooper. This is what makes dance so enticing for us because it has to do with the moment and life doesn’t always tell us what’s around the corner or how we’ll end up after we spin. As in life a stage can become something you never expected.

What is it that we want people to see and remember when we are on stage versus how we are in everyday life? Do we become a wonderwoman by performing and the average woman by day? As a dancer of many years I often wonder what happens to us when we believe too much in our wonderwoman persona. I have seen dancers forget that they are just “people”. It’s almost as if the stage seduces the senses and after a while of embracing the intoxicating allure of the lights, sound and applause dancers become the Hyde version of their Jekyll personas. Is the stage our friend I ask you? Sometimes I wonder because I have witnessed men and women lose their humility at the first sight of a stage. It’s almost as if the only way they can prove their worth is by the stage.

So is the stage a “fix” for some dancers? What our dance means to us is expressed through our performances which just happens to be on stages. But how we express our dance when we aren’t on stage is just as important, probably more so than ever. The stage is not my escape from reality but a way that I can express the reality in which I live. So the diamond stage didn’t really work out like I thought it would but sometimes life doesn’t either. The difference is that my life isn’t defined by the stage but defined by what I do on and off the stage.

Maybe life is really one, gigantic stage and everywhere we go we perform our lives. I like this because than life becomes my “fix” and it’s allure is having those around me that I love. So life for me is one big stage and whether I’m on a black stage shaped like a diamond or sitting in my living room, I know who I am…….sometimes but than each day is a new script and turning the page is the best part.

Our dance is changing and there’s nothing we can do about it. Whether it changes the way you like it or not we have to go with the flow and change with it. Sometimes when I see the changes I want to scream and yell, “What was wrong with the old ways”? But there are new dancers who bring with them a new sense of style and a new modern vision of how they want belly dance to be. I like this but because I am an old fart in this dance, well I would of liked them to ask me first!

Yeah, right but there’s a part of me that wishes the changes in our dance were more subtle. I think when you put in so many years training to be your best it is disconcerting when a dancer who has been dancing only a fraction of your years makes it big and brings with her “change”. Sometimes I feel like where the Hell have I been all these years and was my head in the sand for too long? I remember I asked a belly dance magazine editor about what it takes to be on the cover of her magazine. She told me you have to make a difference in your community and have enough years of experience under your belt. So I’ve been dancing for over 24 years now and have done charity events, benefits, put on benefits etc. I was wondering is this not enough? The next cover of her magazine that I saw kind of blew me away because she had a dancer on the cover who had been dancing fraction of the years than most of my contemporaries. Oh alright……..maybe I was a little jealous but I was also a bit perturbed. Maybe there are many dancers………let me rephrase this there are many dancers like me out there who have worked in their communities for years and aren’t recognized for their contributions. Don’t feel too sorry for me because “The Chronicles” belly dance magazine has put my photo on their cover twice. And Jareeda even put me on their back page.
Down the line when you been dancing as long as I have there comes a point in time when you say, “Have I made it”? I don’t know and to tell you the truth I may never know because my dance is a work in progress. But it finally donned on me that I have to make the changes I want to see. So does getting on the cover of a belly dance magazine make a difference……..you bet it does! It doesn’t mean you have arrived, it means that you are appreciated. There’s no belly dance law that says if you have been dancing less years and are the end all in belly dance that you can’t be on a cover of a magazine. It’s just there are so many dancers who are hidden for one reason or another but who are their communities power houses. But I am wondering with this new renaissance of today if the new dancers want older dancers like myself out of the way? Sometimes I don’t see the same appreciation that I gave my former teachers in some of my new students of today. I would never of thought of being late or not showing up at all with no phone call. As a matter of fact I had one student who had family issues that she would talk to me about. A few months later she was at a show that I was dancing at and she was talking during my performance. I put my finger to my mouth and insinuated for her to be quiet but I did it with a smile on my face. Also after the show I was teasing her about not returning my phone calls (which she didn’t) but I did it in a humorous fashion. The next day I got a phone call with her yelling at me. I thought it was funny myself and told her it was her issue and that I was putting it back on her lap. She’s gone now but I wonder if this is the new renaissance happening today? I just recently had another student not show up for class or return phone calls. Is this also the new Renaissance? The issues with the students in the past 5 years has been the same just different faces. What is our future in belly dance if some of the dancers and students of today have no etiquette? From where I stand it doesn’t look good but than this is why I am still here. And this is why I don’t just linger in my dance anymore, I am making a way into a new Renaissance of my choosing. I stand for what I feel is important in dance. And my job is to make sure that each student that I am coaching understands her dance. It’s obvious that sometimes I hit home runs and other times I strike out with my students. But in the end because I am apart of this new renaissance than I’m going to make sure that dancers remember the old ways as they create their own unique path. And instead of my (you know what) up in the air I’ve got my head out of the sand. New Renaissance here I come!

Many years ago when I was just starting out in belly dance, I can remember certain dancers telling me to get out of belly dance because I wasn’t any good. You have to wonder why dancers who themselves have goals and aspirations would want to diminish mine. But the reality of our dance world can be shocking to a novice and a cautious endeavor to a veteran. Unfortunately this is our world but only a small part of it. As time went on I kept on practicing and training with dancers who I felt were exceptional. And 24 years later I’m still belly dancing and creating a path along the way that other dancers can join along if they so choose. I remember one time a reporter asked me how I would define myself as a dancer and the only thing that came to my mind was the word “lone wolf”. Ok, yes I am romantically infatuated with wolves but in my heart this felt like the best description. Since than I tell people that I am a lone wolf in this field because I am unconventional in my way of dancing. Dancing for me is a creative expression that cannot be contained in a box. How would you define the Universe if so asked? This would be hard to do because there is so much of the Universe we haven’t seen. And I believe that there is so much of dance to be discovered. So than I ask you a question, why would you want to be certified in an artform that has to do with the creative mind which is vast and full of new and boundless discoveries? Oh I’m sure there are those dancers who would say that if you are learning a cultural dance than you should learn to dance it correctly. I’m one of them and I totally agree. Ok so I’m going to play devils advocate here; with so many dance teachers out there how do you know you are learning the correct way?
Here’s my thought on this, a certification usually comes to people as a completion of something. Our dance is a life time study and there is so much to learn and discover. What does a certification do for you? Does it make you feel more accomplished? I know there are dance teachers in our field that are amazing who give certification classes but does this mean that you are certified in their type of belly dance style? Everybody has their favorite teachers so say if you have three teachers that you really like than would you need certification from all three? Does this really make you feel better about yourself?
Well, if you are my student you won’t get a certification from me instead you will get a dance coach who will make sure that you find your style of belly dance. I will make sure that you understand where your dance comes from which is inside of you. We will go over what makes you tick and what makes you passionate about your dance.
I don’t want to teach you my way of dance, I want to help you find your way in dance. And this is why I don’t agree with the certifications. But there are students out there who want and need to know that they succeeded in class and I totally understand this. I would just rather my students feel the success within themselves and for them to know that their creativity isn’t certifiable. Because there is no end to self discovery and there is no end to the opportunities that come our way once we understand that our dance represents how we live life. So for me I would rather see life performed on stage that is artwork in progress. Is any artist truly satisfied or are we always looking for the perfect dance. I haven’t found my perfect dance yet but to tell you the truth I’m having so much fun looking and creating that I don’t really care if she ever appears. The day she does appear will mean my journey is over and I’ve come to realize that the journey is what makes the goal that much more sweeter. In some ways when we are on stage we dance the journey which is life.
So I’m an out of the box kind of dancer who teaches creative expression that is limitless. And as this lone wolf carries on she knows; to each her own and live and let live.

Weighing In On My Belly Dance Image

Today I was looking in the mirror and looking back at me was a disgruntled me. I was looking at my image and what I didn’t like. All I saw was what I wanted to change. This is contradictory to what I tell my students. I usually tell them to look in the mirror and see what they like about themselves. But I have to admit today I just didn’t feel like doing it. I wondered about this and decided to take a good look at why I was feeling dissatisfied with myself and how this feeling fleeting as it may be can make a dancer sing the blues, in my case off key.

Through out my dance career people have commented on my weight. Why is it that people think it’s ok to make a comment about someone else’s weight? Our society has become obsessed with weight and in our field of entertainment we are suppose to uphold a certain standard. I remember dancing at a beautiful restaurant in Dallas and was told by a regular costumer that I needed to lose 5 more pounds and than I would be perfect. I stood there shocked and all I could do was nod my head and walk away. She told me this in front of other customers and I remember feeling embarrassed and vowed to lose 10 pounds! I know she had my best interest at heart but all I heard was “You need to lose weight”. So my self image crumbled a little bit that night and what I didn’t realize was that those words would stay with me for so long.

My next question is who decided what standard belly dancers have to uphold? Well, I know that there are many nightclubs and restaurants that want dancers that are a certain proportion. There are some restaurants that won’t hire what they consider an overweight dancer. I know this because I have worked at a few restaurants that won’t tell overweight dancers they won’t hire them, they will just tell them they don’t need dancers or that the position has been filled. So does this compromise the existing house dancers’ relationship with her dance community? How do you tell another dancer she is over weight? I can’t or I should say won’t because it would be like the pot calling the kettle black. Weight is a personal issue and should only be addressed if asked. But it’s not totally the restaurant or house dancers fault because the customers also dictate what kind of dancers they want to see. Most managers will hire belly dancers that are pleasing to the eye according to society’s standards and not women standards. So how do we as women change these so called “standards”?

That’s a really hard question to answer because how many of us photoshop our photographs? How many of us will buy costumes that hide our “problem areas”? How many of us have gone on crash diets just before we have a major performance? I gage my weight according to how my costumes fit me and I have friends who do the same. When I go on a diet the first thing I do after a few days is put on one of my belts. So how can I feel good about my body image when it can only look good if I look a certain way in my costumes? My image has become a blur because I have allowed these standards to dictate how I look. So if I want to go head to head with this standard than the first thing I have to do is start with my own issues and figure out a way to let them go.

An American research group in 2003 said that 50 to 70 per cent of normal weight women believe they are overweight. So are we trying to attain a perfect image that really exists only in our minds? In order to answer this question I went back to the mirror and brought a magazine with me and turned the pages until I came to what I thought was the perfect woman.
I had breasts and she didn’t and I had hips and she didn’t. She had a hard look to her because she was so thin. Than I realized that the image looking back at me in the mirror wasn’t so bad after all. What I thought was the perfect woman turned out to be unrealistic. If we can’t connect to the photos in the magazines than why do we allow these images to dictate how we should look?
Robin Gerber author and motivational speaker put it beautifully;

“We don’t need Afghan-style burquas to disappear as women. We disappear in reverse-by revamping and revealing our bodies to meet externally imposed visions of female beauty.”

When I see dancers on stage all I know is they are the most beautiful vision of womanhood that I can possibly imagine. So I guess I’m in contradiction with myself because I’m up there on stage sometimes too. My most favorite times are in the dressing room just before a production or show, seeing and feeling all the excited energy in the room. If this feeling could be put in a painting it would be a masterpiece.
So why with these images in my head is it so hard for me to look in the mirror and appreciate what I see? I think it’s because I decided at a young age to collect and accumulate all the negative experiences and comments that came my way. So I decided to let go of memories that no longer served me or my image. I threw them away into an invisible trash can. Guess what all of a sudden I started to feel better.
This led me to become curious about our image as women throughout history so I took a look at how we have changed to become what we are today.

In the 1890’s if you were plump and had a light complexion, you were hot (this meant you didn’t work). In the early 1900’s the corset and hour glass figure were all the rage (so what if you couldn’t breath). In the 1920’s if you were flat-chested and skinny, the world was your oyster. In the 50’s and 60’s Marilyn Monroe ruled but Twiggy was right beside her. The 70’s and 80’s were all about working out and having no body fat (let’s not forget about the hair). In the 90’s large breasts and narrow hips became the norm (not really). And today, women are a combination of all of the above.

As a belly dancer I can handle being a little bit of each generation. And as a matter of fact if you look around our dance community you will see our history in every woman alive and well. As women we have to decide what suites our own vision of beauty. And after looking at our history I realized I was in great company. So I looked back in the mirror, laughed and saw something I did like, a smile.

Blessings,

Leyla Najma

One morning I got up from bed sleepily went over to my computer to check my emails and there it was an email saying I have a “comment” on one of my videos on You tube. My heart palpitated, my hands got clammy and my eyes went cross-eyed for a minute. You guessed it; I jumped back into bed under the covers!

Now I’m not saying I mind “comments” but for some bizarre reason viewers think they can write just about anything even if it is negative. I put my videos up because I am proud of them and wanted to share them with belly dance enthusiasts. Well that’s what I thought until I realized that my videos were targets for just about any comment under the sun. So let’s take a really good look at this strange phenomenon and why viewers feel the need to comment.
We all have a preference regarding what we like and dislike in dance. If you are a dancer than you know what it takes to get on stage and perform in front of an audience. So right there most of us have something in common. Video taping performances is a great way for dancers to see themselves the way the audience does. And when we do a good job and there it is on tape, well it’s a great feeling. Why would anyone want to cut down another person’s right to be creative and to take away this feeling?
I wondered this exact thought as I finally crept out of bed and decided to face my “comment”. With a foreboding feeling I typed in my password and took a deep breath and started to read.

Guess what, to my surprise it was a nice comment. All of a sudden I could breathe normal and life went back as usual. Now I know there are many of you who may be reading this who are wondering why I just don’t take my videos down. Good question.

I want you to all know that before I put my videos up on various sites that I wasn’t like this (I only hid under the covers watching scary movies). But I have to tell you I had no clue how clueless some people can be when it comes to plain manners. So I didn’t take my videos down in the beginning because I realized not everybody uses tact or they just don’t care. Here’s something else I found out, that you have people who aren’t dancers at all who think they can be critics on a dance form they know nothing about. So knowing this, I kept them up. Another group that puzzles me is the dancers who make comments like “I can dance better than her” or “move my hips better than her”, you get the picture. So, ok where are their videos?

If a dancer wants to leave comments like these than she needs to put up a performance of herself to show that she can actually dance better. But it’s easy to hide behind a comment. So I kept my videos up because I know comments like these are a dime a dozen even if they are hurtful.
Finally the comments that really bug “the you know what” out of me are what I call “Pointless”. I have an instructional video out and my husband put it up on a yahoo video group. But the only part he put up was of me talking about my video and why I produced it. I had a dancer comment that because there was no demonstration that I must not be any good. Another said I was just talking about myself, so there was nothing there.

So how did the one dancer (if she is a dancer) come up with the assumption that I’m not any good? And as for the other comment, of course I’m talking about myself because most people don’t know me from Adam (or Eve). So the comments were supposed to warn viewers of what? I’m only scary when I wake up in the morning so I can’t figure out what the point was for these comments.

Ok, maybe I’m a little too sensitive but let’s face it, when people hide behind their computers they tend to feel safe so they write comments they wouldn’t say in public. I mean if we had a bunch of dancers watching performances and saying to each other they could do better, than think of our dance world and what it would be like. I’m not saying this doesn’t happen but most dancers tend to have some dance etiquette when they go to shows. I feel the same should be said for watching videos. If you don’t like how a dancer is performing than “don’t” watch the rest of the video. It’s that simple or is it?

So I started to check out other videos and comments that were made. “Wow”, I realized I was one of the lucky ones because some of the comments were just down right mean. On one video people were talking about if the dancer was really a woman. The video seemed to be popular but for what reason? Her talent was overshadowed by an ongoing discussion that had nothing to do with her dance. Is this what our community really wants for our dance?

I have to admit that I had to watch the video to see what they were all talking about. So I got pulled in just like everybody else and found that the discussion became more important than the video clip itself. There were even advertisements put in the comment section that had nothing to do with the dancer performing. So it donned on me that this is the direction our society is going. But what’s happening to our creative expression with so many people watching our form of dance? I found that the reason why the comments became interesting was because my mental state became numb.

Our humanity is what makes us different and unique as a species. We have technology that makes our lives better but in some ways maybe it’s making us forget our humanity. People want to be entertained at all costs. But as dancers are we willing to pay the price? Where will our dance be in ten years and what kind of comments will we face with more internet surfing on the rise?

Our future rests on the shoulders of dancers who understand their dance and know why they are dancing. It shouldn’t matter what other people say but in our world maybe those “other” people are dancers. So as each of you view clips of videos visualize yourself up there for the entire world to see. What would you do if someone said something unkind about your dance? The bottom line is we can’t please everyone and in truth we only need to please ourselves. If this is true than realize that just because someone isn’t dancing your way doesn’t make them wrong. We need to be tolerant of each other because this leads to a world that respects creative expression. So in the end of my video surfing I realized that we need to be able to express our opinions but how we do this says a lot about what kind of people we are. So my focus is on my dance and not on what’s wrong with somebody else’s performance. This is why I keep my videos up.

Here is a quote from a very dynamic woman who keeps me marching to my own tune:
“There is vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and since there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is, not how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is a queer, divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others”.
Martha Graham

Many Blessings,
Leyla Najma

Time Is The Only Critic Without Ambition

This particular subject has attached itself to every belly dancers hip since the beginning of time. So let’s start looking into this topic with one of my first questions that has plagued me for years; are we entertainers or are we dancers? Interesting question because so many women through out the years have commented to me that to be a dancer is better than to be an entertainer. And some dancers have given the opinion that we are entertainers up on stage that dance. So here we have two different opinions and that is what makes our world go round. Even more so we will have a specific group or person say one way “their way” is better. This is understandable because no one can walk a particular dancers’ path for them or in their footsteps. With experience comes opinions and with opinions come life statements of what works and what doesn’t work. Is this the building block of criticism? What happens when we create a community that is critical of specific dance groups, dance styles, dance ability and dance venues? How healthy is the air we breathe in our environment when we contaminate it with criticisms and censorship? Is this necessary or does it do the opposite which is to clear the wheat from the chafe?

As time progresses along two things happen for dancers, either they keep up with the changes or they look around scratching their heads saying, “Where am I”? If you are lucky enough to be in the group that has kept up, I’m sure there are changes that have occurred that you may not care for. To tell you the truth I’m a little bit of both groups because I kept up and than some how got left behind. But sometimes when you get left behind you can hear the echoes and whisperings of those walking ahead of you and it’s really interesting what you can hear.

I’ll never forget a dance acquaintance of mine that said most of the shows that she had seen recently were just horrible. Since I was in most of these shows, she got me scratching my head wondering if this was a round about way of insulting me or if she just wasn’t thinking. Ah huh, well lets just say I let it slide but what was interesting was that the producer of these shows is a friend of hers but I’m pretty sure she didn’t tell her what she thought. Actually I’m wondering what it was about me that made her confide in me. Sometimes to be oblivious is a good thing.

Experience has taught me that looks especially packaged in a beautiful body can create a disadvantage when it comes to equal consideration. The world reacts differently to beautiful people. I experienced the other side of this coin when I was rehearsing with a friend for a show we were doing together. She is very striking and the band catered to her and kind of forgot about me. After awhile of dealing with this predicament I had to laugh because the musicians were crowding around my friend chatting with her. Before I knew it they were all getting ready to leave and we didn’t rehearse yet. My dance friend didn’t feel like rehearsing so everybody decided to go home. From back in the abyss I told them in a loud voice that I wanted to rehearse and we weren’t leaving. All of a sudden I became visible again and everyone realized that I too was in the room.
As women do we look harsher on beautiful women because we feel they have an advantage over us? Or do we help them become successful because we want to see the symbol of our dance in a beautiful woman? Is our dance form really women friendly? When I say women friendly I mean all types of women. Do we as women censor our belly dance image?

Many women want to be well known but can they handle it if a dance friend gets there first? Women gage how they are doing by other dancers that are at their level of success. This is where I have seen criticism lurk. You know what I mean, the eyes roll, side glances occur at an alarming rate and that look of total antipathy comes across the face. At this point even if a dancer did well the blur of aversion would keep another from seeing a performance well done. Who at this point is at a disadvantage? This especially occurs when the dance style is different from what a dancer prefers. Is there rivalry amongst dance styles? Let’s be honest here, yes of course there is. With the different styles follows change especially in the belly dance costume. Our belly dance costume is almost like a rite of passage for women especially when they wear their costume for the first time. Does the costume state who we can hang with? When dancers perform together the saving grace for all of us is that the audience can see how diverse we are. So maybe the shows that I performed in showcased other dance styles than what my dance acquaintance preferred. How can we educate our audience on the diverse elements of our dance if we can’t accept the changes that are taking place in our dance world ourselves?

There have been occasions that I felt like a fish out of water. I was performing in a show this past year with all the dancers on stage together and it hit me just as the curtains were about to open that I was the only cabaret dancer on stage with tribal dancers. I looked to my right and than to my left and was overwhelmed by this kaleidoscope of color. It was the most amazing site I can remember seeing and I could only imagine the gasps from the audience at seeing the array of color unfolding before their eyes. I knew from this particular show that our times were changing. The troupe dynamic is very popular now especially with the edgy tribal vibe. Todays‘dancers are willing to take more risks and push the traditionalists’ boundaries. Each generation has to make their own way and as they do there will be dancers wanting to keep the old ways in tack by pushing back. Solo performing for me has always been an art because it takes tenacity and bravado to get out infront of people and perform. So you can imagine going out and performing after the stage was full of dancers performing in unison with grace and perfect timing. Your soul has to be willing to take up the whole stage. But I came to realize that dance is dance and if we don’t put censorship on it and try to define it than we can allow it to grow in the way that it needs to.

My next question has been on the front burner for awhile; how will the nightclubs deal with the new styles of dance becoming so popular? Music has changed too so this does help with the variety of dance styles occurring in our midst. Where does tradition and change exist together? I think this is where the stage comes in. It’s the one place where dancers won’t criticize each other at least until the end of the show. Creative expression is usually judged harsher by our own insecurities but than I’ve heard stories of inappropriate choreography in shows. Since we live life in so many different ways it is bound to happen that creative expression gets caught in between individual principles and values. Shock value isn’t usually what people go to a dance show for especially if they are bringing family and friends. I remember being a part of a show where a dancer had a flashlight and her dance was created around turning her flashlight on and off. I didn’t get it and neither did the audience but she had a really good time which I have to admit was disconcerting for me. So even an idea can cross the line of the bizarre and make an entire audience scratch their heads. One time I was dancing at a restaurant and my skirt was tucked into my underwear (by mistake). And I danced part of the first song with my right cheek saying hello to everyone. I did feel a breeze but than I was doing turns so I thought it was normal. The waitstaff cracked up laughing and one of the waitresses came over and pulled out my skirt, thank God! Just so you all know the owner of the restaurant was yelling at me through the bathroom door that my music was starting……ugh! But I did start dancing on time with my music even though I was giving the customers a show I never intended to give them. Fortunately there were no dancers for miles to giggle at me or give me that “Oh, I’m so embarrassed for you” look. The waitstaff was enough. Life can be a comedy where the jokes on you.

If we all pull together and create a community that makes each and every one of us feel safe than our diversity will make sense not only to our audience but also to ourselves. Self creativity that is selfish or blind to the comfort of others is the real issue here. We live in a world where we want to toot our own horn but we need to understand that we also fit in with a community that symbolizes all of us. So we have to understand that our new generation of dancers are bringing in their views of the world.
There are also world views that have been around for years and if we can bring together the old and the new than our future will be a potpourri of ideas and styles that compliment each other without clashing. There’s a quote that says; a critic is a man who knows the way but can’t drive the car.
Sometimes we drive and other times we sit in the backseat. But either way the goal is to get to our dreams and aspirations all in one piece together. We represent a culture that reflects the realities of us dancing and working together every day. In a way we have always been diverse maybe we just didn’t know it. It seems to me diversity is the one thing we all have in common and knowing this makes the view from the back of the car or the drivers seat that much more beautiful.

BELLYDANCING BLOOPERS!

What can I say? If it could happen, it did happen to me!
Just about every dancer out there has a blooper story to tell. Bloopers are almost like a right of passage and there are a lot of us out there that are seasoned!

Bloopers can happen for many reasons; like you forgot to check your costume and make sure your snaps and hooks are sewn on tightly. I mean, when you dance every weekend and perform 2 to 4 shows in a night your costumes will start to suffer. I had ten costumes that I checked and made sure they were ready to dance in. Than, I just started to let the “costume check” slide a little. By appearance my costumes looked good but hidden from the general public were a few pins here and there. And that my friends is where the bloopers come to life.
I remember I was dancing for a recreational camp for kids and there had to be at least 200 kids ranging in ages from kindergarten up to teenagers all watching me perform. Before I knew it as I was doing my favorite turn, my back straps broke and there for a few seconds were my breasts bared for everyone to see. The younger kids didn’t quite get what had happened but the older ones did. Fortunately I had my niece with me who pinned my back straps together and I went back out to continue my performance. To my dismay the group leaders were already leading the kids out of the room and only a few stayed to see me finish. I don’t think I helped our community out much at that performance. To my knowledge they haven’t invited any belly dancers back. Moral of the story: Check your snaps and hooks!

Weight fluctuation is another blooper waiting to happen. I learned the hard way that my daughter’s socks are not a good substitution for bra pads. I had lost weight and fixed one costume but not the other. I figured that socks would give me the boost I needed while being hidden from view. So I decided to wear the costume that I didn’t fix first because what did I have to fear, I had my daughters socks. But socks as I found out have a mind of their own.

I was dancing for a huge group of Diplomats from Iran and our FBI at a local restaurant that I perform at. Everybody was yelling my name and clapping as I came out ready to dance the night away. And that was exactly what I was doing until I noticed a few grins and giggles from the audience. One man pointed to my bra and from my vantage point, my breasts and bra looked fine. But when I did a chest circle there to my horror was my daughter’s sock hanging down my right side. So I did what any professional would do, I pulled it out and threw it. Everybody laughed and applauded and I continued to dance with one big breast and one small breast. After the evening was over and everybody had left I went looking for my daughter’s sock. I couldn’t find it anywhere and even had the wait staff (who were still in hysterics) help me look for it. But it was no where to be found. Weeks past and I forgot about the missing sock until the owner of the restaurant told me that my sock was given to the head diplomat as a gift and reminder of his stay here. So whoever took it had it framed and presented it to him. Also to go along with the sock were 5 video cameras that captured the infamous sock rolling down my right side. So moral of this story: bra pads!

Long skirts can be a bloopers best friend. I like my skirts long because I am short and if my skirts are just a little above my ankles they make me look even shorter. So the bottoms of my skirts get dirty and I have to wash them a lot. I had one particularly long skirt that I just loved. It was separate from my belt and I loved this because than I could mix and match to my hearts content. Well, one evening I wore my favorite skirt for a big dinner party at a nightclub I use to dance at. The family who had the dinner party filled most of the club. They had especially asked for me and I was very honored to dance for them. So the night began very innocently with me dancing around tables and on chairs. They even put me up on the tables a few times. It’s amazing what your skirt can get caught on. There I was dancing and just finishing up my drum solo when I decided I wanted to end on stage. So I jumped down off the table and began to stroll over to the stage only to realize that my skirt didn’t want to come with me. As my audience tried to get me unstuck my skirt somehow got pulled down and was close to my knees. (Thank God I had on matching underwear). Finally my skirt was pulled free and I gracefully pulled my skirt up and was able to finish the last minute of my show. The family loved the little drama and said that they would remember that night for a long time. The moral of this story: Stay on the stage and don’t dance on tables!

Props can either be friend or foe. Sometimes I really believe my veil, cane or sword is on the side of the bloopers. You know how it is, you practice in the studio or home and everything goes great but as soon as you get out and perform something bizarre happens to your prop. I have often wondered if my props were possessed. It’s amazing how your veil will get caught on your costume or how your cane flies out of your hand.
My sword was better behaved but would occasionally act up.
One evening in Fort Worth I was dancing in a very crowded restaurant and I was dancing with my cane. Everybody was enjoying themselves and the owner of the restaurant was sitting at a table not far from our little stage. I was twirling the heck out of my cane when to my surprise the cane flew out of my hand and landed on the restaurant owners lap. The whole restaurant applauded and yelled for more. So I slowly went up to the restaurant owner and asked for my cane and he gave it back to me with an amused look on his face. Fortunately for me my cane music was almost over and I didn’t have to try for another amazing encore with my cane. So the moral of this story: If you mess up with your prop, make it look good!

The last of the bloopers are the hidden kind. You know, the kind that don’t show themselves until you are on stage dancing and than you realize that the stage is uneven or worse you just stepped on something that feels very slimy. And let’s not forget the shrinking stage.
Let’s face it, when we get hired to dance at a party or event, we can’t always check the stage out before hand. I remember when I was hired for a party and I asked how big was the space where I was dancing and they replied that it was a good sized space, at least half of a room. So I choreographed a dance accordingly to what I was told. Well, my stage was 4ft by 3ft. and by a raging fire in a fireplace with little kids sitting all around me. My choreography changed immediately and I was amazed that I didn’t pass out from the heat.

The uneven stage is the one blooper that hides itself very well. I have been on stages that looked even but when I danced on them turned me into a lopsided sideshow. I remember at this one restaurant that whenever I would spin that I would slowly but surely spin into a table on the right side of the stage each time. I would stop at that table just before I’d loose it. I finally asked the other dancers if they did the same thing and they all replied yes. Thank God! Who wants to be lopsided alone?
The slimy story gives me shivers up my spine so I think I’ll pass on it. Besides I think you can visualize the scenario without me giving you the details.

So these are just a few of my blooper stories. The one thing I realized throughout my 22 years in dance is that even though we all strive for perfection in our dance, the bloopers keep us grounded. Sometimes I think back and have to laugh at the dumb and embarrassing things that have happened to me. If you can laugh at yourself than you have just given yourself a wonderful gift. Laughter keeps us humble and it keeps us healthy. So keep on laughing and keep on dancing!

Many blessings,

Leyla Najma

Many years ago I went to a workshop with one of my teachers and was told I danced just like her. Well, you would have thought that I won the lottery because I was so thrilled that someone thought I danced like one of my teachers. As a beginner student my identity was influenced and molded by the styles and methods of a multitude teachers. And as I grew my awareness grew not only in regards to our dance form but also in my observation of dancers and the many levels of training it takes to become the best. An interesting quote that I like puts levels of dance into perspective;

“Beginning belly dancers knows nothing. Intermediate dancer knows everything and is too good to dance with beginners. 3. A hotshot dancer is too good to dance with anyone. 4. Advanced belly dancer dances everything especially with beginners.”

As I progressed through my classes and workshops something interesting happened. I acquired combinations and gestures from the teachers I studied with but I didn’t know what to do with them once I got home and started to practice.
I saw how beautiful the moves looked on each of the dancers that I admired but when I tried to move like them, I lacked the natural grace they had. I thought it was because I just needed to practice and the need to get comfortable with the choreography. In the end I just didn’t move like my teachers and there was a part of me that felt like I never would. I had to learn that the moves had to become a part of who I was first and only than would they become “my” moves. This meant that I could admire my teachers but at the same time separate my “identity” and dance the combinations my way.

“Great artists are people who find ways to be themselves in their art. Any sort of pretension induces mediocrity in art and life alike.” –Margot Fonteyn

The funny thing is that I didn’t develop my own “identity” until I was dancing for about ten years. So there were many years that I danced without knowing who I was or that the dance had to come from within in me. As a matter of fact I didn’t know that it had to come from within me because I was too busy dancing outside of me. It only occurred to me one day because a fan came up to me and said “I know you, you’re what’s her name”. Come to find out she was thinking of another dancer that I looked like and danced like. I came home and realized that I had to reinvent myself and start to understand what I wanted from this dance.
Push came to shove because of an experience I had at a restaurant in Dallas. I auditioned for the owner and was told to go home and learn how to belly dance.

It was a harsh lesson but one I learned from and will never forget.
There were two roads that I could have traveled. One was to quit dance all together and the other was to prove him wrong. Since I love a challenge I decided to prove him wrong. I went home and started back to square one. This was liberating because I worked from the inside out. First I decided to do moves that only felt good in my body. Secondly I decided to change how I put moves together and to go outside the box of “safe” moves. I changed what was right for me and let go of ideas that just didn’t fit me anymore. Every teacher has her view of dance and as we learn we need to decide what to keep and what to let go and know that this is ok. I decided that there was certain ways that I preferred to dance than what I was told. So I decided to follow my instincts and go for it. All of a sudden as a few months passed a dancer emerged from within me that I hadn’t seen before. I danced for up to four hours a day and kept it up for about three months. I than went back to the same restaurant and auditioned again. The restaurant owner smiled at me and said “So you learned how to belly dance.” And I was hired that day.

“If I could tell you what it meant, there would be no point in dancing it.”
–Isadora Duncan

When I started to teach I realized something that is very important. It is recognizing when to let a student go so they can develop their own “identity”.
One or two things will happen if you don’t know when to cut the ties. The student will eventually become dissatisfied with your knowledge or they will question every move and technique that you teach in class. I love questions and I think questions are necessary but there also has to be respect, on both ends.

I also went through an “identity crises” with a few of my teachers. You can only be a “star student” for so long. I felt that my ability wasn’t being appreciated and that they were acknowledging me only through their own accomplishments. If I did a good job of dancing than that meant that my teacher did a good job of teaching. After a while I just wanted to do a good job of dancing on my own, period. A few of my teachers didn’t understand this and took it personal when I left. The appreciation will always be there because each teacher is in me when I dance. They are apart of my confidence and ability as a dancer. So as a teacher I learned to give my students the open door policy. This way they are in class because they want to be. And they can leave knowing I am proud of them and happy for them.

“The instrument by which the dance expresses itself is also the instrument by which life is lived: the human body.”–Martha Graham

Have you ever seen a dancer perform who is trying too hard to impress everyone? I have and I realized this was a good lesson in “not what to do”. Your “self identity”
can’t be forced, it has to evolve along side with you. Does it ever occur to any of us that we must first impress ourselves? We must live dance in order to perform dance. This means being aware of how we feel about dance. It is so important to feel moves because if our audience doesn’t understand belly dancing visually they can understand it emotionally. So part of understanding our “self identity” is to welcome our audiences into our dance. We than welcome them not only in how we live life but how we understand life.

Dancing is the loftiest, the most moving, the most beautiful of the arts, because it is no mere translation or abstraction from life; it is life itself.–Mata Hari

Coming back to New Mexico five years ago really tested my newfound “self identity” that had emerged in Texas. Back home people remembered me by how I danced before I left. So I was a little apprehensive becoming apart of my dance community again. But the one thing that I brought home with me was a stronger vision of who I am as a dancer. A friend of mine saw me dance in a show and told me, “You left a girl in this dance and came back a woman.” Now when I perform people remember my name and I remember to open up to my audience. I am finally proud of who I am in this dance. But I didn’t get here alone. My “self identity” became what it is because I have amazing women supporting me. As a favorite saying goes “A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle”.

“You can dance anywhere, even if only in your heart”

Unknown

As a little girl my life changed forever one fateful morning years ago when I was six. I watched belly dancers on TV and knew from that moment on life would not be the same. Eyes glued to the TV screen and my breakfast coming out of my mouth I gazed longingly as each dancer wove her magical spell.  They were ethereal beings and everything I imagined what women should be. I saw myself wearing those beautiful costumes, the envy of all my friends so with a grin and sigh I decided belly dancing was for me. I marched into the kitchen and informed my mother that I was going to be a belly dancer when I grew up. Being the good, Catholic mother, she informed me that I didn’t know what I was talking about and of course I couldn’t be a belly dancer.  I had a frown on my face which cost me a scolding and I was sent back into the room a little more humbled and determined.

The feeling was never lost just the years went by and not until I was sixteen did I see belly dancing again at a Greek Festival in my hometown of Albuquerque. I thought my heart was going to leap out of my chest and it was all I could do just to stand there and watch the dancers. I had such a longing to get up on stage and perform with them. There was a part of me that knew how to dance like them but my every day reality reminded me that this was not true.

Have you ever felt something so strong that you were incomplete if you didn’t do it or see it again? This is the way spirit tells us what we must do in life and spirit will keep at us until we either do something about it or let it fade away. When we let our desires fade away apart of us goes with them.

With my background growing up Catholic, the opportunities for learning belly dance didn’t appear for me until I left home. But the intense emotions stayed with me and I finally faced my desire and started on my belly dancing quest. In this case I started dancing in my early twenties and as you can imagine I ate, drank, slept belly dancing and to heck with anything else regardless of what it was except for riding my horses and working cattle. Talk about two extreme identities; they were at opposite ends of the spectrum but to tell you the truth I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I mean, I loved telling people that I belly danced and worked cattle. Just the reaction out of people alone was worth saying it along with made up stories about how I would ride my horse to our camp site and belly dance the night away in front of the campfire. In my minds eye this is what I did, it all took place and sometimes it was hard to know reality from fantasy. One thing for sure I knew that one day I would be dancing on stages in front of big crowds. Throughout the years I have realized that my fantasies helped me keep my desires in the forefront instead of the back burner of life.

Thank goodness for those magical feelings because in reality training and practicing is the only way to get to the magical belly dancing goal.  This part I didn’t really think about and when I had really long days working cattle the last thing I wanted to do was practice. It’s amazing what the mind can do to you when you’re tired. It can pit one identity against the other causing bickering and fighting. I can’t really say that my two identities liked each other it was more like they tolerated each other. Both aspects completed me because I wanted to be a cowgirl as much as I wanted to be a belly dancer.  Desire can be very powerful because it doesn’t let the words “I can’t” come near you.  And you become deaf to all who say it can’t be done. So both identities tolerated each other because they knew they were both my desires and neither one of them had to compete with the other for my attention.

Continuing on my path was like an action adventure novel because there were so many unexpected surprises along the way. Not all of them were the pleasant kind and there were a few occasions were my mouth dropped open and I thought I was in a bad dream.

And did I mention the part about not telling my parents that I was learning how to belly dance? Hmmm well this was the good Catholic girl in me, I thought. At the time in my minds eye I knew that the day I became famous they would have no other choice but to accept what I did. Unfortunately this was not convincing enough for me so I thought maybe I could use an alias while I danced.  Little did I know that a part of dance is becoming someone else, the one person you have always wanted to be. So it kind of happens naturally that you become not only an alias to yourself but unrestrained from life itself.

Dreams and fantasies of stardom took a toll on me and for awhile everyday living became just a blur; that was unless I was on my horse.

I have often wondered how people could go to work and accept a mediocre job especially since there is so much creativity that pops and bursts out of us. In our acceptance of making a living we can forget how to live. I went the mediocre path occasionally when I thought that dance was just a dream. It’s almost like a ping pong match that you have going on back and forth until finally one or the other side wins.  As women we look for emotional well being in the movements and gestures of life so how is it that a decision to become the end result of our goals and aspirations can be so confusing and difficult? The beginning years can yoyo a dancer into a raving lunatic because our society tells us we cannot be selfish and do anything for ourselves. Belly dance has the tendency to whisper in our ears that when we are happy and on stage sharing our joy to the masses we are the mirror opposite reflecting back the selfless women that we are. But convincing ones self of this in the beginning can be hard. My surroundings became my first obstacle in the beginning years only because the people around me told me that there was no way to make a living dancing and that I should be realistic instead of being naïve and impractical. Adding to this I became the second obstacle because I listened to them.

Time is always on our side and if we didn’t have her, there would be fewer belly dancers on the loose. Eventually most of us give in to our passion and we finally accept the fact that we are belly dancers through and through.  I really believe magic happened for me because when I finally focused on my dance path everything fell into place. Well ok, once it fell into place I did a lot of tripping over myself.

Thank goodness family and friends opinions changed from negative to the mere “possibility” that I could actually be successful. This is where we intend what we want and people eventually move with us in the same direction or they go away.

One of the first belly dance workshops that I attended was in Austin Texas and it was a long weekend workshop. Little did I know what I was in for and I found that those magical feelings that I had inside hid from me behind closed doors; doors that I didn’t even know were there. The dance instructor was Horacio Cifuentes who was and is a masterful dancer with a drill sergeant type of motivation. This was my first workshop and it was an eye opener. By the end of the weekend I felt like I had gone through a rite of passage with a bit of boot camp put in for good measure! This was also the first time I experienced mean spirited dancers who felt it was their right to tell me to quit belly dancing and do something else. This was my first jaw dropping experience of the negative kind and every time I think of those women to this day I smile because little did they know they were the catalyst that catapulted me in the direction of “I’m going to prove you wrong!” Magic turned into pure determination and I realized that there are certain types of reality that seep in if you aren’t careful. So if people become lemons turn them into lemonade.

In the beginning of my belly dance travels I couldn’t find a belly dance teacher for at least two years. Finally my searching led me to a wonderful dancer named Dina Des Georges who took me in and started teaching me the fundamentals of belly dance. As most beginners I was hungry for every move she taught and I had such enthusiasm that at times I could tell she felt a little overwhelmed. My first teacher was not so much a teacher as she was a performer. Her heart was on the stage and after about 4 months of teaching me the basics, I was told she was no longer teaching me. No explanation was given and as my heart dropped I knew this meant again I was in a position where I had to find another dance teacher. My next teacher was a great inspiration but she let me know that she was already an accomplished dancer and that I would not become her caliber for many, many years. I wasn’t sure what her point was but this didn’t deter me at all. After a while what I did find with my second teacher was a severed trust that eventually came between us. I realized that if I am learning from someone who can’t share the joy of belly dance and isn’t interested in my well being than there isn’t much of a relationship and it’s time to move on. If a teacher doesn’t look out for you than you know you have someone that sees the world that revolves only around them and there is no room for you.

When we get a move or we accomplish choreography, we want someone there who understands and claps and yells with us. There is no better feeling in the world than to be with people who understand what it takes to belly dance. Sometimes our families can be happy for us but they don’t always understand either. I remember one time I finally was able to do a group of combinations and there was nobody around except for my horses, goats, geese and chickens. I was actually outside practicing in front of them. As I was yelling and jumping up and down the horses started to run, the chickens and geese ran around me and my goats were kicking up in the air. It was pretty funny and I will always remember that moment. Another time when I was practicing outside my big draft horses thought it was time to get their heads scratched. So they would come right up to me and stick their big heads in my way assuming that a pat on the head was more important than anything I was doing.

There is also something else that comes up within the first year that nobody told me about which was the need to prove that my dancing was not just a hobby but something I really wanted to do. I’m not saying that every dancer out there wants to make a living solely on dance itself but with many forms of dance it can take up hours in a day rehearsing and practicing.  Belly dance can consume so much of our time that we forget about time all together and I can say this because this happened to me. This is unfortunately where arguments come alive especially if your partner or spouse doesn’t understand the commitment and dedication it takes to become successful. This wasn’t what I envisioned when I started to belly dance and to tell you the truth it is the part of the reality of the dance that can be a setback if you let it. One thing no one tells any of us is that disillusionment and frustration become a common element along with the impassioned and fervent emotions. They mix together and create moments of pure dramatic outbursts that become a part of our dance persona. The only guides we really have are those magical feelings that stay with us no matter where we are or who we become which means the drama queens in us are created along the way.

Reality takes a beating after awhile because you than learn of the drama that is created by women and how their issues effect the dance community. Besides learning how to be a drama queen yourself, you also get to see it first hand with other dancers in studios, venues and workshops. The first time I saw how brutal women could be in this dance field was in a workshop in Dallas that I attended within my fifth or sixth year of dancing. One woman was a vendor and she came to the workshop and show uninvited. I had no clue that “tail coating” others hard work was not only done but not that uncommon. The workshop sponsor was very upset that this particular vendor had come with her costumes in tow and laid out for the workshop attendees to see in her room. Arguments could be heard and hotel management was called in to take care of the problem.

Can you imagine what it is like to be in the back dressing room with dancers who don’t get along? My first experience of this was when I was young and inexperienced and I naively thought that everybody got along. The shocker was how thick the animosity was and how it took form. Side glances, rolling eyes and the whisperings of a united front along with silent daggers being thrown was only the beginning. Women have a very unique way of telling each other how they “really” feel by the shallow polite dialogue they have with each other. I understood this in my later years only because sometimes I was apart of that shallow chatter.  I have always questioned this type of etiquette because I would rather deal with the dead silence of valid feelings than wasted time on trivial niceties that mean nothing and are false.

When I took my dance experiences home and finally absorbed them all it became apparent that this dance form was not as magical as I had once thought it to be and that it wasn’t all lolly pops and roses. And as this reality set in I knew that our dance community wasn’t any different than the real world. In truth we are real women dancing together in a real world and my naïve wonderland way of thinking finally faded away within the first couple of years.

I realized that dance truly comes from within and that those magical feelings are the result of our connection to the Universe, not the drama that can unfold around us. The key is to make sure that issues don’t sever this link. Connecting sometimes is easier said than done. So many women come into belly dance because they are facing issues and problems on the home front. It is said that belly dancing is a therapy for the body but I have seen it used as a band aid that covered only the surface issues never healing the deep wound. I worked with a wonderful dancer in my early years that was the antithesis of her belly dance image. The dance seemed to ease her pain but I couldn’t really understand how she could separate herself from each persona and stay sane. Perhaps her insanity is what kept her going because in the real world sanity and insanity can become a blur pulling the two together. What the audience sees up on stage isn’t always what is backstage in the dressing room.  As I learned we can become the shadow of our own self loathing all the while dancing on stage with confidence and practiced proficiency.

Belly dancing was an escape from troubled times I thought. In reality it magnified my life lessons some of which I didn’t want to deal with and others I didn’t even know I had. The innocent passion that I started out with turned into a seasoned participation and observation of a dance form that took hold of me and wouldn’t let go. To say belly dance was my fix was an overstatement and to say I was addicted was an understatement. Belly dance was my right of passage from the innocent woman that I was to the more mature woman that I became. I was wiser and wearier of my path yet at the same time I couldn’t wait to see what was around each bend in the road. Walking solemnly on my path is a lesson that even to this day trips me up. Dance is to be celebrated so on occasion I remember to jump for joy realizing that I can let go of any inhibitions limiting my choices, desires and dreams. Is this not the true source connection? The connection took the rose colored glasses off and I realized that the magic I felt at certain points were feelings of naïve expectations with no experience to back them up. The connection helps us to understand each experience we have and to see where we are. Then the magic bursts out of us and keeps us eager to walk the twists and turns of our dance path. We learn how to walk, step around and jump along the path and this amazingly enough is what makes the seasoned dancer. Interestingly enough the passion is as great today as it was back then. The only difference now is that my fire burns brighter and I have come to realize that it is my job and no one else’s to keep my fire burning.

Since the start of our video business, I have realized that with instruction available at the drop of a finger, it’s important to discuss the training that needs to go into our danceform. So do dance levels have meaning anymore to today’s dancers?

When I started out dancing it was suggested to me that I not dance publically until I had a comfortable feeling with how I moved and had the fundamentals down. Today I get emails from dancers who are beginners wanting to know how many “weeks” of practice it will take to be able to perform professionally. I can understand their enthusiasm for this need to excel at “superwoman” speed but it’s just not going to happen in this dance field or for that matter any other danceform.  Obviously to me, yes, dance levels have meaning.

The age of Shakira has taught our young aspiring dancers a fast food mentality towards belly dance. It’s been taken out of the artform category and into a nightclub exploitation. Belly dance has become about moves and how sexy they look instead of its traditional origins. Knowing our past helps us unlock the ancient traditions, combining them into a modern world. Taking any shortcuts undermines the very core of our dance making it a two dimensional sideshow instead of a multidimensional school of learning. It’s not about how fast we learn belly dance; it’s about how we learn to understand ourselves as we dance. It’s all a learning process that has no timetable to it.

Every person no matter what age, origin or gender needs to accomplish something in their lives. It’s not only our right of passage but it’s part of our human nature. If we work at something and gain insight and knowledge then we develop the capacity to teach others in a way that can only come from experience. Including in our learning process, is our past, the need to understand where our dance came from so that we pass it on and keep it alive. Middle Eastern dancing is about a multitude of cultures that have a connection to history.  An anonymous quote states that history must be written of, by and for the survivors. I would say we are more then survivors but for every new generation of dancers it’s vital for them to respect and understand what they are performing. This understanding adds credibility to students who want to rise to a professional level.

But in today’s culture can credibility be enough? The reason why I’m asking is because the competitiveness in our business is fickle only allowing its selective constituents leeway instead of allowing the diehards to pave the way. I am speaking of many women who have been dancing for as long as I can remember who are not given their due. This is perhaps because of life choices but is it more then just a choice that creates a star that fizzles out or bursts to life? It’s almost like the gilded cage of selectivity glides past many for a select few, chosen by connections rather then achievement? This is a question more then it is my opinion. I have done well with my dancing, worked my way up through the ranks but I often wonder if I didn’t have the tenacity to keep on trekking, what would have happened to my dance persona. Would she be alive and well today?

Levels mean many things to many people or nothing at all. Dancers need to respect women who have been dancing in this business for years even if they don’t like their dancing. Who is any woman to judge another especially one who has less years under her belt? What does this say about the woman and what does it say about our future? Is etiquette out the window all together? One time on YouTube a gal wrote in and stated she didn’t like my dancing because I was too fast with my hips. That was fine because I kept the comments up knowing I would get good and the possibility of negative feedback.  Dancing is a personal preference that’s beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But a battle of words ensued because my loyal friends and fans wrote in and let this dancer know they didn’t agree with her. To settle the squabble that was out of my hands, I asked this dancer to send a video of herself performing so that I could see how she prefers to dance but she denied my request. After a few more weeks of the squabbling with dancers, she finally wrote me to apologize and said she had been dancing two years and that she didn’t have a performance video available because she hadn’t performed in a show yet. She said I was different then her teacher, she wouldn’t state who she was because she said she didn’t want her to know what happened. I accepted her apology and deleted all comments.

There are dancers who have an, opinion or judgment on every dancer they see. I know because I have been around a few who did this. The criteria of a good dancer is different to everybody but it seems with time even if you have a peer group, the comments persist. Let’s face it at a certain point you would think this would stop but it doesn’t. I mean I even had a dance acquaintance state years ago that most of the shows she had seen in my hometown were awful. Oh, yeah, I was in most of them with other dancers so I often wondered what her motive was in telling me. I wrote about it in one of my articles for Chronicles and I think she read it because she made it a point to tell me when she saw me next that she would never do such a thing. I don’t know if it was my eyes or the light but I did see her nose turn into  Pinocchio’s nose. The more she talked the more I saw branches sprout out. What I think happens, is some women talk so much that they forget what they say and they have to backtrack which is hard if you can’t remember what you said. As women we need to get to a point where we allow creativity for each person to be what it needs to be. Of course there are dancers that aren’t my preference but I know they put in as much effort in their dancing as me. It’s not about live and let live, it’s about finally allowing your community to do what it needs to do and accept the differences. The differences actually make our dance world more beautiful and enjoyable because inspiration needs her playground to fulfill desires and aspirations.

Do dance levels mean anything anymore? They need to, they should and it’s important even though our danceform is more easily accessible then it was ten years ago, for teachers to make this clear. Accomplishment means understanding every step and movement that it took to get to the next lesson. Every time success is achieved it makes the goal more important then the short cuts. Achieving success is apart of each level. Each level has it’s own rewards and if you miss out on a level then you won’t know what the reward is. For some it’s a walking shimmy with layering or for another it’s veil work. Anything is possible if the intention is to creatively work towards your dance personas aspirations. The amazing thing about this dance is that any woman can learn it for any reason and come out a winner. In a world that tries to define us, it’s great to be apart of a danceform that counters this doctrine making us indefinable, inspired and free. Yet in order to get to this freedom we have to learn the ropes so to speak. There’s a saying that goes,  “If belly dance was any easier it would be called football.” Enough said.

In ending my thoughts for this post, I realized that our dance levels give us a reference point besides accomplishment. Confucius stated that, “Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it.” Maybe we just need to open our eyes and realize that as women we are most beautiful when we perform our danceform by experience, fortitude and knowledge…our way.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving everyone! Here’s one of my favorite photos of students that reminded me of how thankful I am to have had the honor to teach such beautiful and talented women!

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Belly dance opens the door to the enjoyments of being a woman, playing with make-up and dressing up like Hollywood vixens, leading ladies and Ziegfeld’s chorus girls. Year after year I enjoyed the costumes, limelight, bling and the attention that came with my profession. Playing dress up was a way of life and I found that dressing down for daily activities just meant less make-up, lower high heels and no glitter in my hair. Years went by and I lived life vicariously through my belly dance image and dress code.

As the tick, tock of the age old time clock came to pass new problems were being introduced that I would have traded or bartered away in a heartbeat. As strange as it may sound, I would welcome a zit to wrinkles and I would give anything to go back to the days when I didn’t have to dye my hair every four weeks. I woke up with a spring in my step years ago but now adays depending on how much I danced or exercised the day before, I talk myself into sitting up in bed. My feet argue with me when it comes to high heels now. I have to coax them into my favorite shoes and by the time I get home they feel it necessary to scream at me! My Marilyn Monroe walk by the end of the day tends to look like an unintentional impression of  the hump back of Notre Dame.

Belly dance seemed to blur the years into a time warp so much so that by the time I stepped off my flying carpet, I was older, wiser and definitely in denial about  being older. I came off my flying carpet at the very moment I was doing a photo shoot with my daughter. When I viewed the photos it was obvious that  I didn’t look like I used to in photos. My daughter was the vision of youth and I was the vision of middle age. Photographers always told me I photographed younger then my age. With the reality sinking in that this was no longer the case the first thing I wanted to do was go out and buy a box of chocolates! Nothing like zits and wrinkles happening at the same time!

I was depressed not because I minded getting old but because it snuck up on me and I wasn’t ready for it. I know this isn’t a realistic way to look at it but it’s the truth. After chewing on it a bit it occurred to me that there are many women who through out their careers made a difference and didn’t let age get in their way. I thought to myself,  “Okay, so I’m in good company.”

I started to think about women within my own state that made a difference not only for women in the arts but who created a following based on their unique abilities to stay the course. Georgia O’Keeffe came to mind because she changed the view of what was visually appealing to paint. Her courage to follow her own desires and instincts resulted in a fan base of millions all over the world. A horse skull with white roses on it or a landscape made with bold colors demonstrated her artistic view of life. For dancers, fabrics, costumes and jewelry become our pallet as we decorate our bodies creating  visual masterpieces. We give the audience a glimpse of our world that is rich in color and design.

My mentor and dear friend, renowned female portrait artist Barbara Sayre Harmon, is the enchantress of the ages, wisdom abound and laughter as contagious as the wind. Her magical spells are a delicious recipe of enchanting costumes, jewelry and fabrics of every kind. She is my belly dance dream come true because she envelopes me in fabrics and I magically turn into a thousand and one nights’ heroine or Cleopatra waiting for Caesar. There were a few times I was a nymph and swore I had wings and to my surprise the personification of Spring in all her glory. In her eighties, I look at her and see such beauty in her face that only gets more beautiful as time goes by.

Flamingo dancer, Maria Benetiz is a recipient of the New Mexico Governors award for Excellence in the Field of Dance. With the Metropolitan Opera of New York, she choreographed their production of Carmen in 1987 and she was recently elected to the Board of Directors of the Santa Fe Opera. Her fire and passion is as intense today as it was thirty years ago. I realized that the knowledge of a dancer enhances not only her dance but her interpretation of life. We choreograph and produce multitudes of shows working to bring in our themes that reflect our heritage and art form. Inspiration is the key behind our fiery passion because it never leaves us and only grows stronger with time.

Bert Balladine once said, “You have nothing to dance about until you are over the age of 30.” There is a part of me that whole heartedly agrees with him because I have so much more to say now then even ten years ago. So growing older just means we trust our intuition more and we teach dance as we have lived life making no apology for who we are.

As I look through life with my older eyes I tend to see the detail that I once missed because I was always in a hurry. How a woman wears her hair or a unique blending of fabrics inspires me to look at costuming in a whole new light. Women standing together and how they communicate with their body language becomes a synchronized choreography of communication and life.

It’s obvious this is my second act or one might say, my second wind. The second act in definition states that it is inferior or less important to the previous part. But I whole heartedly disagree. I see my second act as a way to do the things I didn’t have the courage to do when I was younger. I have thicker skin that occasionally comes in handy and I have found out that having a forked dagger as a tongue doesn’t always get me the best results. A wise woman knows that in order to keep her wits about her, it’s what she doesn’t say in the moments of chaos and drama that says more then any spoken word. Silence isn’t just golden, its’ smart!

Living life to it’s fullest means walking a path open to experiences that teach me to be a better woman. The day I stop walking my path will mean I’m back on my flying carpet ending the journey of a lifetime. That day hasn’t come yet so for now I enjoy taking one day at a time, smelling the roses and looking beyond the immediate into the grand scale of life.

If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we are not really living. Growth demands a temporary surrender of security.
~ Gail Sheehy ~
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