Falling off the Wagon
Sometimes I think I’m falling off the wagon…okay the belly dance wagon. This phrase actually came from prohibition times when as a rule women would go from town to town on a wagon and preach against drinking. If they could get a drunk to ride around with them and get him sober they felt it helped their cause. Even though our wagon is different, sometimes an unexpected bump in the road causes me to fall off the wagon wondering how the heck to get back on or sometimes wondering if I even want to get back on.
As of late I have been reading different opinions on our dance and I’ve been slowly taking these varied ideals in like a sponge. As the years have gone by different attitudes seem to permeate and effect the changes in our dance field. And I don’t know if I agree with everything I read. I like to see people’s different perspectives on things but sometimes I think that opinions have specific agendas behind them. And of course I’m the pot calling the kettle black here because I have my own views on dance that not everyone agrees with.
I have occasionally been the hypocrite because I didn’t allow my students to drink on the job. Years ago, I actually had a glass of wine in between shows and finally acquired a problem with the so called “wine bottle” syndrome. I come from an Italian family so we enjoy our drinks but there is a point where a drink here and there adds up to a problem. The one time I did have a student drink happened to be when a local group had weekly shows at a tavern an hour away east from town. She decided to start an argument with various dancers and brought up my name and studio. This happened unbeknownst to me because the following week when I brought some of my students to perform at the same tavern for open dancing, I was confronted at the door by the angry dancers caught in the argument of the prier week. I calmed them down and told them she didn’t represent my studio or business that I did. They didn’t get her name and when I confronted my students at my studio the following week about what happened no one was willing to confess so to this day I have no idea who it was. That was the first time I was knocked off the wagon by one of my own students because after that incident we were never invited back to the tavern.
The gig question I’ve mentioned before in another post but I’m not really sure what the problem is for some dancers regarding belly dance gigs. Belly dancers have been doing gigs way before I started to belly dance which was over 20 years ago, a drop in the bucket. Belly dance gigs were apart of the way I was brought up in belly dance. Now according to some dancers, the gigs should be a thing of the past. I agree some gigs were not exactly what I thought they would be but the only reason I stopped doing them was because of my age. I’ll be honest here, what comes with age is a life time of accumulated impatience especially when it comes to people’s ignorance of our dance. But in 18 years of dance gigs, not all were degrading and my most favorite parties were for friends, some Arabs and Persians and let’s not forget the corporate gigs. Maybe my falling off the wagon was my preference to be on stage. It’s my first love. After awhile I just got tired of some people comparing me to a stripper but in saying this I realize that if I was dancing in nightclubs instead of small town restaurants I wouldn’t have had this problem. Smaller towns or cities seem to generate a laid back attitude of cultural ignorance. It’s a coin toss up in the air and how you decide to read the outcome depends on your dance experience.
The click mentality has been around since the beginning of Eve but here’s my thought on this one, there is a part of me that is so tired of seeing dance acquaintances or community politics decide our value as a dancer, teacher or person. I’ve worked with people in shows who haven’t spoken to me since these shows. We all put in our part and I must say with all our creative efforts, I wonder why some people think its okay to disown a friendship already in progress? I’m not talking about close friends here, I’m talking about those who partake in shows if invited and then you never hear from them again unless you decide to produce another show. I know in life we find out who we don’t mesh with but effort has to have some worth at least in the large scope of things. Sometimes effort is misinterpreted and exchanged for shortcomings in people’s minds. They see the cup as half empty instead of half full and rising. If we all rose together, the wagon would be full of merrymaking dancers who you aren’t telling your life story to because you are too busy living your life story with them.
Sometimes I wonder if some of my students of days past think I don’t care about them. In keeping with my philosophy on dance, I have turned students out before they felt they were ready to leave my nest. I had this happen with my very first teacher, Dina who shooed me out the door after 6 months. She felt I needed the tutelage of Sakti Rinek and you know what…Dina was right! At the year point I tend to do this to my students because once they start on their own choreographies and gain confidence to perform I feel it’s important to continue study with new and different teachers. Everybody has something to share, teach and I know with the many teachers that I have had my lightbulb moments came when one teacher explained something in a way I could understand. Verbiage is unique amongst teachers so a demonstration with the right words can change a feeling of “I didn’t get that to an elated, I got it moment”. I studied from so many teachers and I feel they are the soil that started my growth in this dance. Remembering my teachers keeps the soil rich with memories of each of them and this keeps my foundation strong. If I am ever overshadowed it is only my willingness to see my limitations through others actions and words. Each teacher I had who nurtured me through out the years has helped me grow out of my own self criticism. If I have fallen off the wagon here it has been my own insecurities listening to what I think others are saying. It doesn’t matter if the words seem real, what matters is how I react to them.
I took this year off of all engagements, workshops and shows to regroup and get my mojo back. I thought that if I didn’t dance every chance that came my way, I would be letting the belly dance experience slip through my fingers. I’m older now and I feel that if I don’t look at my path and see where I’ve come from then I won’t be able to see the meaning my path has for me. As we all continue on in our dance careers I do believe there are times when it’s important to study, learn, research and grow from the details that we have forgotten or are newly discovered. I’ve learned this year that there are so many powerful and remarkable men and women who through out their careers started out doing Oriental dance before venturing onto other dance forms. Imagine the turn of the century and the impression our dance had on the minds and imaginations of those patrons of the Chicago Worlds Fair. This year is going back in history and learning the who’s who of our dance field and my favorite study of all time, the Egyptians. For the first time I feel I am not only in the wagon, I’m leading the horses in the direction I want to go. Sometimes we have to fall off the wagon in order to get back on and find ourselves. This time it feels good knowing where I’m going but more importantly where I’ve come from.
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Interpretive Belly Dance – The Right to be”You”
Interpretive Belly Dance – The Right to be “You”
Every year represents something that each of us holds dearly to our hearts. There are even those experiences that we let go of like dust in the wind. This year I decided to get back to my roots and talk about why I started belly dancing and what intrigued me about it in the first place. I know I stated in my bio that I saw belly dancing at age 6 and fell in love with it, that’s a given. But as I got older there was something else about it that caught my attention. I saw a chance to achieve my individual freedom to move and dance my way and be accepted for it. In my early years the women who stood out in my mind, understood their own unique style. They gave a different take on choreography and dance interpretation. These women have stayed with me all these years because they taught me it was okay to be me.
In the years that it has taken me to understand what my style is all about, I found that there was a price I paid for being “me.” As with any dance form it’s obvious there will be a multitude of opinions that are usually targeted at other people’s dance interpretation and preferences. Dancers tend to follow a doctrine that leaves little room for creative latitude especially if the style is not to their liking. In our world even though it gives the impression that creativity is welcome, there are obvious artistic guide lines everyone is expected to follow.
“As a solo performer sometimes we have to bloom and become one with our community besides being that individual flower” Leyla Najma
I’m not talking about the basic fundamentals of belly dance and good curriculum; I’m talking about a perceived ideology that women carry with them into this dance. Water seeks it’s own level so most dancer’s find their home or community that fits their lifestyle. When we mix ideologies and preferences together the guide lines become fuzzy. Everyone changes what they feel doesn’t fit their creative interpretation of what belly dance is for them. For instance, Tribal Belly Dance is beautiful but it’s not my thing. When I took Tribal in workshops I found it to be confining and confusing. I think the Tribal look with multiple layering and rich textures is eye candy for the soul but even with the vibrant colors it’s not how I choose to present my dance persona. It’s another world to me but one that is apart of belly dance. So I look at Tribal as my first cousin who displays the beauty of belly dance with refined eloquence. Tribal is the ancient sister to modern belly dance, obviously a family of unconventional traditions.
“Combining all of life experiences, lessons learned and not learned creates the most beautiful design of all; the individual dancer.” Leyla Najma
On my quest for finding the “me” in dance I realized that as I performed in shows, restaurants and nightclubs, I was molding and sculpting my dance persona as I went along. The end result was “me,” a dancer that had her own articulacy and style. This doesn’t mean that what I became was always accepted, what it does mean is that I had come full circle and brought to life my artistry in dance. When a dancer stops asking for permission to be creative then you know she has become her own masterpiece.
“Sometimes dancers are born molded and nurtured in the arts becoming the living essence of what they represent” Leyla Najma
The last couple of years have been very interesting for me because I have had problems with some dancers critiquing my on-line videos without even bothering to take a class. They have opinions based on those age old ideologies that they brought into this dance from the beginning. Empty words can echo into any community leaving impressions that aren’t based on personal experience rather personal insecurities. Allowing for creative expression seems to be a thing of the past. I think this is because there are so many dancers vying for the coveted limelight. Acknowledging another dancers success should be a right of passage especially since there are so many fantastic dancers performing now. Maybe it’s fear or self doubt that keeps dancers from giving each other a high five. What ever it is, it’s preventing success from becoming an everyday occurrence because ultimately success knocks at everybody’s door.
“If a woman asks you a question, it’s better to tell her the truth because chances are she’s asking you because she already knows the answer.” Unknown
Interpretive belly dance isn’t only about methodology and curriculums; it’s about incorporating life into your dance persona. The tricky part is making sure each movement and gesture is honestly who you really are. Dancing somebody else’s choreography is okay to learn from but eventually the movement has to make sense to your body by dancing it your way. Becoming “you” in belly dance means that music is interpreted without second guessing how you choreograph to what you hear. It’s beautiful to see dancers performing making movement second nature to the rhythm in the music.
“Walking the path as a dancer takes the same amount of steps as everyone else; it’s important not to compare your footprint with others.” Leyla Najma
Interpretive belly dance in today’s day and age is an expression of a modern day dancer who continually has questions but knows where to put the answers. Belly dance is as complicated or laid back as the individual dancer. How we stand up for our dance and self expression is as varied a statement to the dance world as the individual dancer. So this year I wish all of you a dance of great exploration and rewards. May the treasures you find lead you back to yourself, the greatest treasure of all!
It’s All In The Company We Keep
I wanted to write a bit about the belly dance journey and to let you all know that every once in awhile the rose colored glasses come off and reality starts to set in even for us belly dancers. Sometimes women think that self fulfillment will happen magically with this dance and to be honest with you it takes work. But it’s the kind of work that feels more like an entrepreneurial quest. We make the journey what it is, a success or a spiraling drama. At times they kind of go hand in hand but how much really depends on you.
Just remember that you are the same person years later in the dance and the only changes are the levels of success you have with your dance and with yourself. It seems like it’s easy to forget our purpose in this particular dance field especially if you have professional aspirations and you have been at it awhile. Even women who take belly dance classes for self fulfillment reasons only can get caught up in expectations in what type of fulfillment will happen. We really are in charge of our own outcome but more times then not we forget we are our own leader and we start following someone else’s path. This is a major problem for many women because with any type of art we really have to create our own masterpiece. Even dancers who are apart of a troupe bring in their own artistry. With this type of visual art in front of audiences it is easy to see why belly dance has an occult like following.
As with any dancer, I started out with dreams and aspirations and they have never left me but the brutal reality of life as an entertainer and performer has tarnished my naive sensibilities. But in saying this I also have to admit that I am a stronger and more focused person because of what I have experienced. The constant drama of the stage will make any woman a seasoned performer but the important thing to remember is not to lose yourself in the lessons.
The key to the belly dance journey is to stay true to your path and follow your own gut instincts. Did you all know that gut means “God” in Scandinavian? So we just have to remember that God talks to us constantly through our gut feelings. And the gut feelings are apart of us being our own leader but of course with some help. Oh and by the way, this reminds me, sometimes you can feel alone in dance but creativity is really like a life time partner………she’ll never leave you alone and the best part of all is you will always have her by your side.
If we focus on our own gut feelings and creativity the lessons of the stage seem less dubias and more satisfying. At the end of the day it really is about fulfilling the promises that we make to ourselves even if they were made long ago. The journey is about “you” and how you live life. The journey isn’t about about who did what or what somebody said because ultimately it’s about what you think of yourself. Friends or no friends you will always be the one walking your path.
Last thought; it occured to me that part of the journey is being the kind of friend to ourselves that we search for in our community. It’s all in the company we keep so with my gut, creativity and inner knowing of who I am I guess I really am not alone. It’s a good feeling!
The American Silk Road
Through out the year there have been many experiences and lessons that have taken me to places I never expected. There were roads less traveled that caught my attention. Walking down them made me realize that we can’t always learn our lessons from conventional methods. And I also learned that I can say no to a lesson that keeps coming back.
An African Priestess who mentored me years ago told me that we can always say no to the Universe and that our request will be honored. I know what some of you may be thinking; how can I say no especially if it is a lesson that is necessary for my growth? Sometimes in our gut we know when there is a lesson that comes around that just isn’t necessary. Realizing this can release the chains of “society expectations” that we carry around with us on our journey through life.
Our American heritage seemed to be added to the melting pot of the dance world. In many ways our lives are intermingled with each other to the benefit of us all and to our detriment. This leads me to new insights gained from this year, insights that surprised even me. With each step I took with my yearly path of my dance education I realized that years from now maybe none of this will matter. Because I realized that in the end all that really matters is how I create my dance for myself. Does my dance end with me or will it live long past my dieing breath? Does my mark on the belly dance world even matter?
Is life like a catalogue where we can pick and choose what we want just as long as we intend the right things? This can become so vague because everyone has their own agendas. What is right for one person might not be right for another. How each dancer walks her path to me is a big deal. I usually will look at a dancers portrayal of how she views dance because it is a good indication on how she lives life. And one of my surprises for this year was that just because someone has been in this business for years doesn’t mean that they don’t carry insecurities with them all the way through their journey.
It is as if the insecurity in itself is a precious bundle that she carries along with her to insure that in the end it will all validate why she walked her journey the way she did. Is she “me” as well? Do I carry my insecurities with me only to make sure I intend things just to validate why I carry them around? I found the answer to be yes and this was the biggest surprise of all!
Walking still further I realized that there will be those who come after me who will hear the whisperings of my name and wonder who I was. So early in the year starting in March I made a solemn vow to myself to bring solutions to various problems that dancers come across on their path. I heard the complaints even from my own mouth and realized that the answers have always been visible and accessible. I just was so busy complaining I couldn’t see the answers that were right in front of me. My surprise was how easy the answers are to see once one is willing to look. Adding to this I noticed there are those who will not look under any circumstances because to see would invalidate their complaints. It is amazing to see that those who complain help the rest of us find the solutions and in doing so we walk our paths with greater ease.
So this is one of the aspects of the melting pot we are all apart of and this is what makes walking the American Silk Road the greatest lesson of all. How we walk says a lot about how we live and how we live says a lot about who we are.
So if you are wondering what lesson it was that kept coming around the corner; well lets just say that I realized my place in my community has a lot to do with how I feel about myself. I paid my dues along time ago and those who were trying to remind me of my place did me a favor. I finally looked down the road I have traveled and realized I have come a long ways. And as the saying goes, “I may not be there yet, but I’m closer than I was yesterday.”
Happy New Year and may your journey on the Silk Road be everything you can imagine and more. As Henry Ford once said “You can’t build a reputation on what you’re going to do,” so make this year count and just do it!
Blessings,
Leyla Najma
In The Beginning……….
Many students/ dancers who write in to me and tell me a little about themselves are doing so because there is a need and desire to connect with someone who understands. And I am here to let all of you who write me know that I do understand.
In the beginning of my belly dance travels I couldn’t find a teacher for at least two years. I traveled working cattle so that meant I lived in remote areas. So I started to buy videos and practice when I had the chance. But like many of you I longed to connect with someone who could show me how to dance and become the belly dancer of my dreams.
After searching for a long time I found a wonderful dancer who took me in and started to teach me the foundation movements. As most beginners I was hungry for every move she taught and I had such enthusiasm that at times she felt a little overwhelmed. My first teacher was not so much a teacher as she was a performer. Her heart was on the stage and after about 4 months of dance class one day she told me she was no longer teaching me. No explanation was given and as my heart dropped I knew this meant I was again in a position where I had to find another dance teacher. My next teacher was a great inspiration but she let me know that she was already an accomplished dancer and that most probably I would not become her caliber for many, many years. This didn’t deter me at all.
What I did find with my second teacher was a disconnect between her and me that made me realize that if I am learning from someone who thinks only of herself than there isn’t much of a relationship. If a teacher doesn’t look out for you than you know you have someone that sees the world that revolves around only them and there is no room for you.
When we get a move or we accomplish a choreography, we want someone there who understands and claps and yells with us. There is no better feeling in the world than to be with people who understand what it takes to belly dance. Sometimes our families can be happy for us but they don’t always understand either.
I remember one time I finally was able to do a group of combinations and there was nobody around except for my horses, goats, geese and chickens. I was actually outside practicing in front of them. As I was yelling and jumping up and down the horses started to run, the chickens and geese ran around me and my goats were kicking up in the air. It was pretty funny and I will always remember that moment.
Another time when I was practicing outside my big draft horses thought it was time to get their heads scratched. So they would come right up to me and stick their big heads in my way. So as I said before our families don’t always understand what we are going through especially if they are the four legged kind.
Standing and looking down our belly dance path can be pretty daunting at times especially if we can’t see the forest for the trees. It can all become a blur and this is why a teacher is so important to most students. She can take those rose colored glasses off and give a student a different way of looking at movement, music and choreography. But like some of you I had to look for the right teacher. In the end I was very lucky because I have studied with amazing and talented dancers/choreographers/teachers through out my travels.
So as I have said before I understand how most of you feel. I have been there and the one thing that I would like for all of you to know is that I do read what you write. Some of you make me smile because I remember similar experiences that you write about. I remember the years without a teacher and this is one thing that I would like to change for anyone who is experiencing this now.
Most of you who are beginners are going through your own rights of passage. We all have done this especially those dancers who have been dancing for years like myself. Know that you are not alone and that as I progress with my 0n-line videos and get them out to each and every one of you, I think of the emails you send me and hope that I can create solutions to some of your problems.
As my favorite saying goes;
“A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle”
