Keeping the Heart in Belly Dance

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Well as you can see I didn’t fall of the planet and I’m back in the saddle ready to start the New Year. It occurred to me that many of you would be off,  spending time with family so I decided to wait and write my New Years/Christmas blog, “Keeping the Heart in Belly Dance,” when you all had time to read it. So I hope your Christmas was happy, joyful and inspirational.

As I was off gallivanting about I was thinking about what I would write about. I think many of you read my blog for various reasons. My bluntness might be unnerving to some or maybe my viewpoint is different enough and that’s what some of you are looking for.  For whatever reason you read my blog I wanted this one to be something from the heart that gives you a peek into my secluded backroom opinion on belly dance. I try not to hide too much from my dance readers but it became obvious to me months ago that my tongue occasionally gets me into trouble. This is a twenty four year opine of thoughts on our dance regarding where we are going as a dance community and the future of belly dance. Does it look good? That’s a good question.

I am part of a discussion group on LinkedIn and there was a new topic that really caught my eye. A belly dance teacher who had been teaching for about 25 years asked if it was normal to feel uninspired and exhausted from teaching. I thought to myself, this was going to be a good topic of discussion. There were many responses back to her and the most typical one was for her to become a student again and learn from someone that inspires her. She said she had already done this and it helped to a point. I have done this myself and found that the problem really doesn’t have to do with inspiration; it has to do with change. In the beginning of the impassioned dancer’s quest for knowledge, the journey keeps her fresh and entertained. The newness of the dance and all the information coming at a dancer can keep her satisfied for years it seems. It’s not so much the dance looses its appeal, it’s that the dancer within grows and she can become restless wanting to expand her horizons in other ways. There isn’t much in regards to articles or manuals that address this belly dance transformation. To me it really is about understanding that if we don’t grow with this dance or if we don’t see the growth, it can take a toll on the psyche of any dancer.

As the years have progressed I realize that in my youth, belly dance represented the feminine side of who I was and I carried this image with me everywhere I went. It was my calling card and I relished in my choice to become a belly dancer. As each year progressed, this excitement changed into exhausting lessons that left lingering impressions upon my psyche. I had no idea that life’s lessons would be mixed into dance lessons. I had no idea that in some ways this dance can become very cut throat. The dance itself doesn’t deceive us, some of the women who participate in it do. It’s like a game of chance, sometimes the rules can change at a moments notice because of other players. Success is the winning card and some dancers who strive for this are con artists in disguise.

But why would anyone think that this dance is not apart of every day life or life’s experiences? Is this a naïve way of looking at belly dance or is because belly dance is the reprieve from every day life? Belly dance was for me a calling not so much an escape but I must confess that in later years it was an escape from the doldrums of everyday life. Being the center of attention can become addictive and in some ways our downfall. My sister made a comment one time that irritated me but as you all know, sisters say things in a carefree blunt way. She was looking through my dance magazines and she said, “Most of the women who dance seem to be really self absorbed.” I looked at her and said, “So does that include me?” Being the older sister she laughed and said, “Of course.” My ego though feeling bruised did an about face and I stuck my tongue out at her and walked away. Weeks later I got to thinking about her statement and I realized that in order for us to survive in this dance, it was necessary to focus on our goals. So yeah, okay, as dancers maybe we are self absorbed but we have visible goals that are easy for anyone to see.  I don’t think we are shallow in this sense, we are easy on the eyes and our objectives are easy to follow.

Some of the topics that I picked up on through out the year seemed to be a thorn in some people’s side. I’ve had plenty of thorns in my side through out the years and found that while they might not have been my preference, they were necessary for me to grow. Maybe what happens is that women get into this dance form thinking that they have more control over their dance path then with every day life. It’s really a misnomer to think there is any more control over a dance path then a life path with family and work. I thought my dance path was more fulfilling at times but then sometimes the price I paid was usually in ways that didn’t come calling until later on and interest seemed to be added on without me knowing it. Dance in some ways took over my everyday life that seemed to be in the shadows of an overpowering and calculating existence. It didn’t just sneak up on me, it slowly possessed me. And I had to think to myself, “Is this really me?”

The older I get the more I realize that dance is and always was an outlet for me to gain confidence and a sense of achievement. Some of the women I have met through this dance form became apart of my self confidence progression. Lessons learned sometimes seemed to be like high school level but it occurred to me that just because we get diplomas and graduate doesn’t mean we have graduated from the emotional stigmas of life. Lessons can come full circle if they aren’t learned the first time around. Sometimes if I see a lesson coming my way that look familiar, I tell the Universe “no” and it feels really good. I’ve learned that saying no doesn’t mean that I am missing out on anything and as a matter of fact it’s helped me relax and enjoy life a little more.

So if there is anything that I would like to share with you all this year it’s the fact that dance and our home lives intermingle with each other from the very beginning of choices and desires. I’m sure many of you know this but I didn’t know to what degree until I looked back to see why at times I was discontented with both. They are the twins of our conscious minds that remind us that as women we are not only unique but complicated. Our wardrobes are combined with every aspect of our lives. Look in your closet and you’ll see, belly dancer, mother, wife and business woman. Somehow they all fit together because they are apart of our desires and aspirations as women.

Keeping the heart of belly dance is about understanding who we are as women and realizing that we juggle so much to keep our desires and home life alive. If we could see ourselves through someone else’s eyes we would probably see amazing women. Take this year to see how amazing you are and look back at all you have accomplished not just with your dancing but also with your family life. Be amazed at your accomplishments, smile at your successes and be grateful for the fact that you did it all on your own terms. Happy New Year to the most amazing women I know.

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